Chéri || Fred Weasley

xcvii

"Would vanilla ice cream make you feel better?" Fred nudged her elbow gently.

"You know it always does," she pouted and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Ice cream, movie and cuddles?" Fred suggested which brought a smile to her face, eyes lighting up as she nodded happily.

*****

"DAMN IT!"

"Love what's wrong?" Fred said worriedly as he rushed into the bathroom. "Are you hurt?"

"I got my fucking period again," Madeleine groaned.

"Do you need me to go and get you tampons?" Fred crouched in front of her and cupped her cheeks.

"I already have tampons for the period that I shouldn't be having," she rolled her eyes.

"Angel, I know you're frustrated because you're not pregnant yet but it will happen when it's meant to happen," Fred said reassuringly.

"I just don't understand why it's not happening!" she grumbled. "We had sex while I was fucking ovulating this month and last as well! It shouldn't be so fucking hard!"

"Mads, it's fine," Fred pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "It will happen and we just have to be patient and keep trying."

"I have to get ready for work," she scoffed and pushed his hands away from her face.

It was now mid June and nothing had changed between the fact that Fred and Madeleine were in Sirius' words, "going at it like dogs." The blonde's frustration levels were reaching their maximum capacity and couldn't even focus when customers met with her for cake and pastries orders. Everyone around them could tell that Maddie was definitely more irritable than usual but taking Alicia's advice, it was always best to not poke the hippogriff.

"How was your day?" Fred asked when he had apparated into the flat Thursday night, after a long day of attending customers, doing inventory and finances.

"Shitty, but I went to the bookstore and picked this up," she lifted the book she had bought so that he could read the title. "And we're doing some changes in our lifestyle with what this says."

"Changes like what?" Fred frowned.

"No more alcohol, no weed nor cigarettes, no more coffee. When I'm ovulating we need to have sex twice a day and the book says it's better if we do so in the morning. No more sugar and carbs and we should switch those up for beans and leafy green vegetables and that we should also eat liver for some reason, which is gross but we should do it anyway." she listed. "No more you going down on me and viceversa because the book says that saliva alters my pH-"

"Back the fuck up-" Fred interrupted her but she cut him short quickly.

"I wasn't finished with the list darling," Maddie said. "We should be sleeping eight hours every night and not overwork because stress won't help us concieve. The book also advises postitions for deep penetration so from now on we can only have sex in missionary and from behind. It also says that after you cum you have to stay inside me for ten minutes and then I have to lie flat on my back with my hips raised."

"Angel, this all sounds like bullshit," he narrowed his eyes. "Who even recommended this to you?"

"A woman who came into the cafe with her husband, she's a muggle and said that they followed every detail the book said and that's why they have kids," she explained.

"I don't buy it, some things do sound accurate like the smoking and drinking but the rest are sketchy-"

"It was written by muggle specialists Freddie, I think that we should give it try because it's July and we've been trying since the end of May and it hasn't happened," she sighed. "And we're going to see a muggle fertility doctor the woman recommended to me, so tomorrow we're getting out blood drawn for some weird muggles tests and when we're in the doctor's office you need to wank and put sperm in a cup so they can test that."