When peer pressure pushes Lenny to try out a new dating app, she starts to realize that the past may not always define the future.
*****
Lenny Harlow wants a lot of things, but a boyfriend isn't...
But honestly, I didn't want any of that, not anymore, and if that wasn't enough indication of how far I'd come, I didn't know what was. I was proud of myself, even though I didn't have much to be proud of. So you got over your ex. Big deal. Your cousins' lives are progressing, and you're here reminiscing. Girl, get in the fucking game.
As if she could sense my thoughts had taken a different turn, Leah took my wrists, sending my bowl of rice pudding to the floor. The ceramic shattered. I could have sworn everyone held their breath, except, they didn't.
Leah giggled. "Oops. We best get that cleaned. Go change; I'll take care of it."
Of course you will. It was your fault.
It was so damn quiet upstairs that I almost didn't want to go back down. I did go back downstairs, but only because I was whisked away by Jaz and her girlfriend-whom I didn't know was present-Shaniqua. Typical Black girl name, yes, but it suited her to perfection.
"So, Lenny, anything you want to share with us?" asked Jaz. She held a cocktail glass in the hand that wasn't wrapped around her partner, sipping daintily on her mimosa. "Are you back in the dating scene?"
Why did everything have to circle back to this? Would I be considered any less of a person simply because I wasn't in a relationship?
"Not exactly, no."
Her expression softened. "Poor baby." She heaved a dramatic sigh. Glad to know those acting classes you took weren't a waste. "Well, I do hope you find love in the nearest future. I'm the luckiest woman in the world, thanks to this beauty here, and-"
I tuned her the fuck out and weaseled my way out of the house for a much needed breath of fresh air.
• • •
THE HOUSE DIDN'T CLEAR OUT until four in the morning, and the only good thing to come out of that was me not having to help with cleanup.
Dad and his brothers had gone out for drinks after they exhausted the available ones, and Mom was downstairs sipping bloody Marys and dancing along to the sound of whatever unnecessarily loud conversation she was having with her in-laws. Keegan was, as usual, nowhere to be found-probably off causing trouble somewhere-and Leah was in bed with her boyfriend.
I had Nia's room to myself. Well, for the most part. Ignoring a passed out Cali who hung over the side of the bed wasn't too hard once you got past the snoring.
Due to my inability to fall asleep, I took to scrolling through old photos. Big mistake on my part. Sincerely, I thought I'd cleared out my gallery after the breakup. I had cleared out my gallery after the breakup. And I was sure as hell I wasn't drunk or hallucinating, so why where they're pictures of August and I staring right back at me?
Probably the universe trying to fuck with me again, I thought, because there was no better explanation. I clicked on one of the pictures for a clearer view. I remember this. But I felt nothing. And not in the sense of emptiness or numbness, I genuinely felt nothing.
I knew there had to be a reason for this, since one didn't randomly remember their ex at four in the morning. There must've been some factors at play.
My phone vibrated in my hand. CJ'd sent a photo of her with some girl I'd never seen before. CHEEK HER OUT, LEMNY,,, ISNT SHE SHE THE CUYESST??I could only assume she was drunk.
Oh, she so is, I texted back, a smile on my face.
I was just about closing the message app so I could finally sleep when I caught sight of August's contact name. Why hadn't I blocked him? Because I wanted us to be friends. It was incredibly stupid and screamed naïve, but we'd agreed on it, and back then, it hadn't seemed like the worst thing.
Gus: I know you're probably at your family thing. I came by your house yesterday but you weren't home... Gus: I don't expect you to (I don't expect you to even read this), but if you can find it in your heart, and if you have the time, then maybe we could meet up tomorrow and talk? I know I've been an ass, and that I've been ... distant, but it's what you wanted. Gus: Sorry. I screwed this up. Gus: Have a good night.
I let myself wonder if he ever thought about me-besides then-as I looked through our pictures. I decided against deleting them again, simply because there was no point to it. I was over him, over it, and the pictures were a small reminder of some of the good times in my life. I knew that someday, I'd look back on them and smile, and maybe then, we'd have matured even more. Maybe then we'd be able to put the past behind us and start over.
It was still in that vein of thought that I shut my eyes and nestled in Nia's pillow, the contents of August's texts replaying in my head.
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Lol, is it just me, or is this the worst chapter so far? It's short, unedited, and rushed af, lol!
