Breathe

You need help Kody

I wake up on my stomach on my thin mattress on the ground in the corner of my room
Fuck I have to go to group
I get up and stretch my body
It's currently Saturday , 1:00
"I'm gonna be so late" I complain while rolling my eyes and walking out of the room
I brush my teeth
Comb my dirty blonde hair back
I need a haircut soon
I stare at myself in the crack mirror for a little while looking at myself
Dark bags under my eyes I don't rember the last time I actually slept well, thin body I don't really eat that much I mean I am disappointed ya know I'm not your normal Joe I'm short and thin not your ideal type when you think Man!
Well whatever I need to get dressed and go
I put on a black hoodie with some sweatpants with socks and slides
Don't come for me it's Saturday
I head out of my little apartment and hop on the bus and head to group
Oh shit-
I haven't introduced myself yet
I'm Dakota but I go by Kody
My favorite color is yellow but I don't wear it really because i don't know it's obnoxious
My best friends are Buddy and Alex
And ever Saturday I go to a group for 'people who struggle a bit more than others' but that's just what Buddy says
I struggle with my anger and anxiety and some depression
And I am currently working at a grocery store
Uh well I was working a coworker and I didn't get along then the boss started talking and it was this whole shitty situation but long story short I didn't get a long with a coworker I wasn't good with customers and I yelled in my fat pig of a bosses face but buddy doesn't need to know thattt
I know I'm living the American dream don't remind me
Anyways we're here
I hop off the bus and walk into the tall building
I entered the elevator with a tall man following behind me
He's good looking , tall , jet black hair , not to mention he obviously works out
"Floor?" I hear a husky voice ask
I jump i wasn't expecting that
"U-u-uh T-t-two" I managed to stutter out
"Oh! me to" he says and clicks two as it lights up the elevator starts moving
I've always hated elevators but I'm to tired to use the stairs right now
"Where you going?" The man ask making small talk
"Group" I say quietly
It's not something I really take pride in
"I'm sorry I didn't hear you" before he can finish
The elevator dings
Damn what took so long
I walk out the elevator first and start to walk to the end of the hall way
"Oh do you know Buddy?" I hear that voice again behind me
I whipped my head around realizing the man is right behind me
"Y-Y-Yeah" I stutter
Oh yeah I forgot to mention Buddy kinda like does these group things and host them or whatever he has a weird job
We walk to the door and both go in
"Kody You're late again!" Buddy said while looking at me and the mans way
I shrug it off and grab a chair and go to sit in the circle with everyone else
While the man watches and observes us what a weirdo
After the whole my name how I'm feeling what's been happening Blah Blah Blah all that junk the clock finally hit 2:00
"Okay everyone same time next week have a good rest of your weekend and stay positive thank you everyone bye" buddy announced telling everyone good bye
I tried to slip by him cause I knew he'd wanna talk about me being late again
"Not you kody go sit down we need to talk" Buddy says writing some stuff on a paper
I've always hated those words
'We need to talk' they always Lead to nothing good I feel my anxiety start to build up
When everyone left except the man whose on his phone in the corner
Buddy walked over to me pulling up a chair across from and sitting in it
"Kody-" Buddy started
"I know I know I slept in I need a better sleep schedule I need to arrive on time Blah Blah Blah i gotcha can I go now?" I interrupt
"Yes Kody but I also wanted to talk to you about some stuff" buddy starts
"Well what is it I wanna go home?" That was code for I need to look for a job ASAP so need to go
"Kody I know you lost your job" buddy said
"So...I'm gonna go get another one" I try and keep composed and layed back an brush it off I'm gonna go get another one
"No Kody no more jobs I'm sorry you can't even keep one" buddy said
I feel my chest tighten and I get a little pissy
"Ask not everyone isn't perfect like you Buddy and keep such a great job" I spat and pointed my eyes towards my feet I felt like a little kid getting yelled at.
"Kody that's not what I'm saying and you know it , I noticed you haven't been getting better but more worse you have dark circles under your eyes your always tired and you can't keep a job Kody and I've seen your apartment Kody I really wished you'd take my offer and live with me" buddy said
"No way in hell can l-l-I go now" I say he'd be on my back more than he already was
"No Kody please listen to me , I have an idea a type coping mechanism I think it could help you" buddy explained
"Oh boy! What's is it p-p-p-punching your pillow or maybe listening to music wow I've been cured" I say sarcastically
"No none of that actually it's different it's hard to explain , John why don't you come over here maybe you can explain it better than me" buddy said calling the man over
So his name is John huh?
He walks over and pulls a chair up and sits by buddy
"Hi I'm John you must be Kody?" John said in a deep voice
"Mhm" this guy makes me nervous
"John is a good friend of mine Kody and I think he can help you out" buddy said
"Help m-m-me?" I question
"Yeah! See there's this thing called little space and it's used as a coping mechanism" buddy said while John nodded along
"N-n-no thanks I'm good" I say
"I'm sorry Kody but this is not really much of a choice" buddy says while rubbing his neck
I'm sorry ?!? What !
"What the h-h-hell do you mean it's not a choice buddy!" I shouted at him
"Okay okay hey let's calm down for a second, here I'll explain it to you the best way I can little space is when you regress to a younger mindset it's usually used for people who have experienced traumatic thing or have trouble with anxiety, depression or anger" John explains while buddy and I nod along listening
"So....l-like a k-kid?" I ask
"Kid , toddler , baby it's depends how old you head space is" John says
"Look Kody I know your not up to trying new things or stepping out of your comfort zone but this is for the better John is gonna take care of you and help you okay I promise" buddy says while rubbing my knee
What the fuck I mean what the fuck! Fuck anger ! Now I'm just scared and upset! I'm frozen on the spot and my chest hurts
"Kody?" John says
"N-N-N-NO! F-F-FUCK YOU BUDDY YOUR GONNS SEND ME OFF WITH A STRANGER!" I yell getting up out of my chair with tears threatening to fall
"Hey Kody baby I need to go breathe" John says as they both get up and start walking over to me
No
No
No
No
I shouldn't have gone to group today I should have just slept in my bed
I back up into the corner of the room hyperventilating while tears roll down my hot cheats
"Kody please clam down I promise it'll be okay" I hear buddy say
"Kody baby breathe for me please your gonna pass out" John said in a sweet voice
Before I knew it I hit the cold corner of a wall I started to cry and hyperventilate even more
Then I felt two warm strong arms wrap around me and pick me off the ground
I hear sweet nothings being whispered in my ear while my back is being rubbing
Eventually I was done and exhausted my body felt all tingly and my head felt empty and it kinda hurt
I realized a little bit ago John was holding me as my head was on his shoulder as he sat down across from buddy as they talked and he rubbing my back and before I knew it my eyelids were getting to heavy and I peacefully some how fell asleep