Better side of me

Brotherly Love

Chapter 5:

Antonio Andrea

I call for Angelo to come take a seat beside us and when he does my father speaks again.

"Angelo, i'm sending you with your sister to America so she can take a break, Yes it is also for us to meet to plan an attack but i'm sending the two of you earlier. Amara gets off too much with killing the Russians and soon it won't be enough for her. I'm hoping by sending her to America she can take her mind off of it for a while" He speaks bluntly to him.

"I've seen it too, shes out of control" He replies and nods.

"I would have sent her alone but she would have been suspicious, which is why I also have some jobs for her to do" He states.

"There's only so much we can do to help, the rest is up to her" I say then we all nod in agreement.

"She also needs a break from mothering Ace so he will be with you mother and I. Going to America will also give he a chance to talk to Ace's father" he says. We were never allowed to talk about him or what happened that night and we accepted it because we didn't want to stress her out. We knew who it was but he was never told about Ace. Since no one knew who she was, we couldn't tell anyone about the baby so we hid both of them.

Amara Andrea

There's two sides to a person just like there's two sides to a story.

No one has ever gotten to hear both of mine. I give you what I want you to hear but I give it to you in a way that makes you think your getting the whole story.

I don't tell you about the sleepless nights filled with endless arguments in my head when i'm alone.

I don't tell you that everyday I wake up with the need to make sure there's nothing about me for people to laugh at because i'm scared of judgment.

I don't tell you that I fear to telling people my problems because I don't want to be seen as weak.

I've learnt to be seen as happy in other peoples eyes. Learnt to smile through the pain during the day.

But at night I lie awake , shoulder length deep in thoughts about the mistakes I have made and the guilt I have to suffer because of it.

And I can't help but cry,

Some nights I can't cry at all, and that to me is the worst part of life

It means that I am entirely drained,

I have nothing left to give,

Nothing to fight for anymore,

It means I have completely given up,

But I will never admit it.

I hate myself for giving into it, for feeding the guilt, but I cant help but think its what I deserve and i know it will never be enough for me.

...

New York air was always musty and never clean. You could practically smell a hint of desperation in the air. We had arrived the day of the charity ball and soon as we got of the plane the humidity just hit me like a bitch. The worst time to be in New York is the summer, but thank god for the air conditioning in the car. Makes sitting in traffic better than what it is without it. Traffic here is crazy, this is why I hate it here and never stay for long.

We drove about 45 minuets just out of the city to where the Americans had based. Instead of staying at our home base in New York, Damian had insisted we stay with them, Where Angelo and myself will be while Antonio, my father and mother fly back after tonight. Lorenzo believed It will help us bond with them as we are now allies so I didn't fight him on the decision to stay there.