Finding Forgiveness

Chapter 2

She drove me to do something that I never thought I'd do again. It's something that I haven't done since I was in college. I went to a random, shitty bar in L.A. I don't even remember the name, but I do know I chose it because it was in the slums and I knew that I definitely wouldn't be running into anyone there that I knew. I just wanted to be alone. If I am honest with myself, I think deep down I was hoping that someone would come up behind me, beat the crap out of me and possibly even kill me just so I could be put out of my misery, my pain and torment.I don't think that would have been severe enough to relieve me of the agony I'm feeling.

I started with a double of vodka on the rocks. That drink is completely on the other end of the spectrum of what I would drink. Red wine is usually my choice as well as Steffy's choice. I shake my head, at all the nights we've sat on the couch in the living room drinking wine together and just soaking each other in.

I swirl the melted ice at the bottom of the glass, staring into at blankly. "Give me another one," I ask the bartender after several drinks. I have no idea what time it is or even how long I've been here. I slide the glass over to the bartender.

"Vodka again?" the bartender asks to confirm.

"Yes."

"Maybe you better slow down kid," an older gentleman says from the corner of bar. You've had quite a bit."

"First off, I'm not a kid. I'm over thirty and second why don't you mind your own fucking business," I sneer while giving him a death stare. I gulp down my freshly made vodka on the rocks, before the older gentleman walks over to sit down next to me.

"No, you've had enough buddy," the bartender says looking at me after I once again slide the glass upwards.

"You need to slow down," I vaguely hear him say as I begin to start feeling the effects of my numerous vodka on the rocks.

"I don't need to do anything..." I argue as I once again slide my glass back over for a refill. I just need anything that could draw me away from the pain of thinking about Steffy and my Dad.

"Kid...what's your name? Usually we don't see kids in here like you often. I have a feeling that you aren't here for the same reason the rest of us are here."

"It's Liam, and you are probably right."

"Why are you here? What's got you so wrapped up?"

"Why do you care?" I ask with edge in my voice.

He cocks his head to the side, "I'm John, and I care because I don't want you to become one of us," he says pointing around the bar.

"It's not like that..." I refute. "Not even close."

He places his hand on my shoulder. "We all have said that at one point, yet here we are. We never mean to get to that point, but eventually we all do." He smiles at me. "So, why don't you tell me what has you in here? You have never been in here before, and like I said before, you definitely don't look like a person that would normally be in there."

I shake my head. "No, I can't. I have too much shit rolling around in my head for this conversation."

"That's exactly why you need to talk about it. Those shit, as you call it, if you don't address it and fix it, it will become cement and be permanently be there forever and you WILL end up like one of us."

"Ugh," I relent running my hand down the side of my face, knowing that he is right and at some point, I will have to deal with this.

I spend the next hour or so explaining the whole situation to John and everything that happened. I explained about Sally even and how hard Steffy and I worked to get back together in the beginning of the year.I also threw some tidbits about the beginnings of mine and Steffy's relationship.