The Story of Regulus Black - Years 5-7

XLIV. Squid

He thought that he could see them sometimes - the thoughts. Swirling behind Regulus's eyes and disintegrating every single positive thing inside of Regulus's mind and leaving nothing but the negative. Barty wished that he could help - that there was something that he could do to take it away completely; he found that he was more often than not willing to take them upon himself if it just meant that Regulus didn't have to feel that way any longer.

Barty was willing to do quite a lot for Regulus, he had learned.

They were outside. Barty had dragged Regulus out to study, telling him that he could do well with some fresh air. They were sitting beneath a tree by the lake, Barty writing an essay for Transfiguration (which Regulus, he was surprised to know, had always remembered was his favorite subject), and Regulus was just sitting. He had his back pressed against the bark, one knee pulled to his chest and one leg splayed out. His arms were crossed over his stomach, and his head was tilted a bit to the side, and he was watching a group of kids at the edge of the lake.

He had been watching them for a while, interest piqued inside of his negativity-filled mind. They were tossing slices of bread on the water of the lake, laughing every time a tentacle of the Giant Squid reached up and pulled it under. He sighed after a while, and Barty looked up at the sound, the silence between the two shattering like glass.

"What's up?" Barty asked, his voice quiet even though there were no eavesdroppers in sight.

Regulus made a small gesture at the kids by the lake, eyes not leaving them. "Squids don't eat bread."

Barty furrowed his brow and frowned a bit, following Regulus's line of sight and watching the scene. The two were silent for a moment, watching the kids throw more bread and watching the squid reach up to take it. Eventually, Barty let out his own sigh and leaned his head back against the tree, turning it so that his gaze was trained on Regulus.

"It seems like the squid likes it," he shrugged along with his statement, eyes slowly tracing Regulus's features. He wanted to reach over - he wanted to grab Regulus's hand and slot their fingers together, and he wanted Regulus to lean his head on Barty's shoulder so that he could lay his own on top of his, but he resisted. Instead, he focused on trying to determine any sort of change in Regulus's facial expression.

There was none; his face stayed the same, but words left his mouth - words that lacked any sort of emotion in them.

"Squid's eat other fish - they're cannibals, technically. They don't like bread. They don't eat it." He tilted his head a bit more to the side, eyes half-closed as he stared and words spilled without much thought behind them at all. "Do you think the Merpeople like bread?"

Barty shrugged again. "Probably not. If squids don't like them, I doubt that they would."

"Maybe they do. Maybe the squid gives them the bread that students give it, and in exchange, they just let it... live." Regulus was silent for a moment. "I think I'd like to be a squid."

Barty let out a breath of laughter and raised his eyebrow slightly, that same, stupid smile on his face that seemed to never leave when he was around Regulus. "Why's that?"

Regulus wasn't laughing. He wasn't smiling. He was staring, and he was trying not to think, but thoughts were pushing down the walls that he was trying desperately to build up before he could even start. "They just... they're so... free. They don't have to think, they don't have to feel, they just... live."

Barty's smile disappeared, and he was left staring at Regulus with an ache in his chest and a sad look in his eyes. He swallowed and sniffed after moments of silence had passed, and he closed the textbook that he had open at his side. "Do you wanna go inside?"