The Story of Regulus Black - Years 5-7

IV. Why Did You Do It?

Chapter Notes: all italicized dialogue is being spoken in french
CW: suicidal thoughts

Narcissa ambushed Regulus with a hug as soon as he walked through the front door of Malfoy Manor. She wrapped her arms tightly around his middle and rested her chin on his shoulder, shutting her eyes and ignoring the dread that was festering in her stomach that had been brought on by the feeling of Regulus's overly thin frame.

Regulus hugged her back, snaking his arms around her neck and placing his own chin on her shoulder. Narcissa swayed them back and forth for a moment, holding him so tightly that he could barely breathe. But, he didn't mind - her hug was bringing him a level of comfort that Regulus hadn't felt for weeks. He squeezed his eyes shut, and he found himself wishing that this comfort would never end.

But, like all good things, it did.

Narcissa slowly pulled away from the hug, withdrawing her arms from Regulus's waist and taking a step back when he did the same. She looked him over, frowning at Regulus's appearance; he had not visually gotten any better. His clothes still hung pathetically off of his frame, and his face was more sunken in than Narcissa had ever seen.

"Are you feeling alright?" She asked, looking away from his frame and meeting his cold grey eyes.

Regulus forced a small smirk onto his mouth as he raised an eyebrow. "Hello to you, too."

Narcissa rolled her eyes, unable to keep the smile off of her face. At least Regulus had kept his humor through this state of... well, of whatever he was experiencing. Though her smile disappeared as soon as it had come, and she looked him over once again. "Seriously, Regulus. Are you ok?"

Regulus nodded without even thinking. "Yeah, fine. I s'pose that I'm a bit down sometimes because of... you know... but I'm fine." That was as open as he was willing to go with his cousin. Sure, he had cried to her about Sirius before, but that was when he was twelve. Regulus was fifteen now, and he was not about to cry in front of his cousin just because his older brother had been disowned. No, he was not going to do that - it was a line that he was not willing to cross.

Narcissa's frown returned. "Regulus, I'm sorry. I know that it can be hard - what happened to Sirius. But, I promise you that it will get better. I know that it might not seem like it will right now, and you could hate me for saying this, but I promise that it will get better one day."

"Is it better for you?" Regulus asked. He didn't know why he hadn't talked to Narcissa about this sooner. After all, if anyone was going to know what he was going through, it would be someone who had already gone through it, right?

Narcissa paused, biting the inside of her cheek in thought. Regulus noticed that that was something that she always seemed to do; Regulus had a habit of scrunching his nose when he thought, and Narcissa had a habit of biting her inner cheek. "It's... it was hard for a while," she said.

It was an indirect response that Regulus recognized as the want to not have to answer. He frowned and adjusted the strap of his bag on his shoulder. "So it didn't?"

Narcissa let out a sigh. "It did, Regulus. It..." she looked around the house, as though she were afraid that someone would pop out of nowhere and reprimand her for talking about her estranged sister. "I still think about her sometimes. And, sometimes it is hard; it's hard to accept the fact that they're really gone. There will be days that you wake up and, for a moment, forget completely that they're gone. You'll want to talk to them, or write to them, or just see them in general. But, you have to fight those urges if you ever want to be able to get over it. It's best if you try to forget about Sirius, and you accept that he was disowned for a reason."