Loving Jude

1. Happy Again

"What will you give Eli for his birthday?"

I catch my roommate's gaze in the mirror before looking away. I know what I want to give Eli for his birthday. But I cannot tell her.

"You haven't gotten anything for him," she notes. "You're not going empty-handed, are you?"

I don't miss the accusing tone in Tori's voice. She probably has more to say but is holding back.

She has already bought him a present. I have no idea what it is, though. When she came back to the dorm with it, it was wrapped in gift paper and she maintained it was a secret.

"He did say we don't have to get him anything." I grab a scrunchie and tie one half of my curly hair at the back of my head.

"You can't be serious. The guy got you a box set of your favourite book series for your birthday. He only said that because he's sickening nice to you."

Tori is fond of reminding me of how Eli treats me sweetly. She also likes pointing out how blind I am to the fact that he likes me.

Elias is one of the first friends I made in campus. We got to know each other because he was friends with Tori, who has been my roommate since freshman year. But what made us grow closer is the fact that he's on the school football team while I'm a kinesiology major.

The football head coach is our exercise science professor, and he likes inviting the class to the field for practicals. We also have his classes in the Sports Complex, where gym facilities used by the school teams are located. Eli and I ran into each other many times and ended up becoming friends outside Tori's influence.

Am I blind to the fact that Eli likes me? That's impossible when the entire sports department 'ships' us together. As one of the popular guys in school, everybody is curious about who he's seeing. But since he broke up with his girlfriend from high school in freshman year, he has been single. We hang out a lot and many think we should 'date already'.

Besides public opinion about our relationship, Eli confessed to me. But even before he did, I knew. I would be lying if I said I didn't like him to.

It took a while to accept that what I felt for him was beyond friendship. After spending the past three years shielding my heart against romantic attachments successfully, my feelings came as a surprise.

I had known all along that he was special to me, and that's why we became fast friends. But me actually liking him enough to consider giving love another chance? That's another kind of special.

I tie the other half of my hair at the back of my head. "I have something planned for him."

"Really? What?"

"It's a secret." I ordered him a pair of cleats he has been coveting, but delivery has been delayed. Maybe they'll get here tomorrow. But that's not the only thing I have planned.

Tori rises from her bed and grabs her jacket. "I hope you're not lying. Let's go or we'll be late."

Eli's dorm is in campus, while we live about five minutes' walk from the school. As we walk towards his dorm building, there's an ongoing mantra in my mind:

It's tonight or never. Tonight or never. Tonight.

Tonight, I'm going to let go of what's holding me back and give Eli a chance.

Tonight, I'll let him go.

I've waited long enough. I've hurt enough. I need to get out of my mind and live my life.

When we get to Eli's dorm building, we head to the common room. While his dorm room is much spacious than that of other students—a perk all members of the school's sports teams get—it's not enough to accommodate the party. Eli is the starting forward of the school football team and undoubtedly the most popular player. Not only are his teammates going to be here, but crowds of admirers too.