Watching Over You • Nomin

fourteen

Jeno rolled his eyes. “Is that supposed to be some kind of sarcasm? Because I don't think I'm that beautiful or whatever.”

“It's so hard to stay away from you… I might knit us together one day, really… it won't hurt I promise, as long as you have me, it really won't hurt,” she said, ignoring Jeno and proceeding to interlock their hands and gripping it slightly.

“Uh-uh, but you certainly are hurting my hand,” Jeno said uncomfortably, distancing himself.

“My muscle man can't handle me, huh?” she said and giggled. “Ah, you're so cute, you honestly force me to do something that might hurt you… but, you're my fragile-looking baby… I just might protect you from all the bad in the world and hide you inside my little yet big kingdom of love and fill you with all the love you deserve…” Jiya said and breathed out. Now her eyes filled with tears and she was glancing at Jeno like he's the most precious person she has ever seen.

Her eyes were so different, he never saw somebody looking at him like that. And it just scared him. She was beautiful, ethereal and it scared him. The number of beautiful words he was getting to listen to was overwhelming. He wanted to run away.

“Shame that I wasn't there with you last whole week… I missed you so much, but I've always been around you, aren't I?” she said and Jeno internally was nodding aggressively.

There was an awful amount of time Jeno had spent in silence. Until, he said, “You're... bad...”

He didn't intend to say it. He just happened to say it, as though his body forced him to say it. Jiya shot him a look but there was a smile plastered on her lips, as though she understood what Jeno wanted to say. And then she laughed.

“Bad?” she began.  “Define bad. What's bad anyway? Good, bad, Hell, heaven, toxic, normal... How does it matter? Compare it to the universe… it doesn't matter.” she said. “Universe is vast, Jeno-ya. You know it better than me… but this Universe, right here, you and me… it's ours, it's enormous but this, it's ours. Our universe has no space even for a matter that's not made of us. Good and bad don't matter. It doesn't matter even for what you call a God.” she gave him a soft smile.

“God never mattered,” she whispered. “I mean, what is he anyway… if not the mixture of good and bad. Irrelevant, but we rule our universe... together! We are the god, the king, and the queen… brace it, Jeno-ya. It's the world made by us, for us...let it welcome you and fill you with the warmth you deserve.”

No way this was happening. It's a dream. Now the clouds will turn vibrant and there will be a rain of diamonds. It's just a dream.

Jeno's thoughts were distracted by a hand interlocking him again. It felt too real to be ignored.

“My love…” she softly said. If all these signs weren't clear that she has something for him, then he didn't know what else is there to be obvious. “Let's hang out at the park the day after the New year. After our shift. I have something to tell you…” she added.

“Listen Jiya… I have something to tell you too-”

“That's perfect...but I'm telling you first.”

“I don't think so… I don't think I feel-”

“Shh,” Jiya said, placing his finger on his lips. “After me. Even if it's going to break me apart, it's after me. I'm going first. Wait till the new year… everything is going to be coming together. Including your happiness and freedom.” she said.

-------

“Worst. New year. Ever!”  he thought, internally. It felt worse even if Jaemin got him amazing sneakers. Even if they went to have an amazing lunch and got to talk to his parents on a video call or even after they sat and gazed at the huge night sky comfortably laying on each other's arms.

The best thing was, Jaemin was happy. As long as it was him, he wanted him to have the happiness of the world, he didn't want to hurt him. He mattered so much and their relationship mattered so much. It mattered over any other crazy girl he had been hanging out with for months and all he was treated like a baby and had been too overprotective that almost made him lose his friends.

Finally, it was the day. He wasn't prepared for it. He is never prepared for it. He could've made an excuse that he was sick or he had some work but he wanted to end it all.

Jiya didn't show up to work that day. But, after he was done with the shift he waited for a few minutes or so in the park until she showed up.

“Did I keep you waiting?” she asked. Jeno shook his head as no. Jeno could see that she put more effort into the way she looked that day. Her hair is silkier than ever and a wide smile that could make anyone fall in love with her glowing beautiful eyes. She seemed so happy. She pulled out a banquet of roses. They were so beautiful.

She cleared her throat and sighed, “I've been waiting for so long to tell you this… before I say anything else… I want to say that you mean the world to me, Jeno-ya… I don't know how I survived not talking to you all those years and those few days… it's a those were torture to me and to think about. I might go weeks without food or water, but you gave me the reason to eat and survive. I'm so blessed to have you… and I wanted to tell you that I love you. With all my heart and every breath I take. So, do you want to be my boyfriend?”

Maybe her happiness was about to be ruined. Jeno didn't want to do this. He looked down and shook his head.

“I'm sorry… really. I don't look at you that way, Jiya. I've always wanted to say this... I'm not the right person for you. You're amazing and you deserve someone who can reciprocate with the same amount of love you have. And thank you so much. I know for a fact that I can never be loved so much… if you didn't connect the pieces yet, I'm taken. I'm sorry that I have to let you know like this.”

He took a breath in and looked back at her. She looked as though her soul had been sucked out. All the happiness she had on her face minutes ago, washed away.

“You don't feel the way I feel for you, don't lie to me...”

Jeno bit his lips and shook his head, “I'm sorry…”

“Jeno-”

“And… I think it's best to stop seeing each other… I don't want to hurt you anymore or… give you hope. I hope you'll find someone that would make you happy.” Jeno said, giving her a weak smile and waved her goodbye.

He hoped not to remember this day. He hoped not to see her ever again. But he wished everything for her, happiness and good health. It felt lighter than ever.

To be continued...