Slipping Through My Grasp

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**Ahh Just remembered another change I made at the end of book 1! This one kind a matters LOL I'll update all of book 1 here soon, but I made it so that the Freedom came and picked Whitley and Bluff up and they were able to help him. So no man island or doctor. In case you were confused on how we got back to the Freedom haha***

 In case you were confused on how we got back to the Freedom haha***

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The waves crest and fall. I watch them, mesmerized at their rhythm. The sun glints off the liquid like crystals. Shooting. Falling. Soaring.

I don't know how long I stand there.

Minutes? Hours?

Days? Years?

The magic of the sea surrounds me, haunts me. While I sleep, it's their songs that I dream of. And with every passing moment everything that makes me who I am is slipping through my grasp.

***

A gentle hand lies on my shoulder. My body doesn't react, but my mind does. I blink into focus and register my surroundings. I am on a ship. The person touching me is Rosemera—not a threat.

I don't turn.

"You should eat something," she says coolly.

Why? I wonder. I don't remember the last time I ate. I don't remember what food tastes like.

Behind us, pirates laugh and stumble over the deck. They are celebrating Rosemera's return, I remember. Rum is passed hand to hand. An off-key song is sung near the helm.

"It's been a while since we made port, but we have a decent few meals left. Salted pork. Bread."

I don't respond.

"Mr. Copper made a rather delicious stew. I could have some brought to you?"

I blink several times, trying to force my mind into focus. I should at least respond. That would be the polite thing to do.

"No, thank you," I force out.

"Are you sure? You haven't touched a morsel since I boarded."

"How long ago was that?"

She pauses for a long moment, her eyes narrowed. "Twelve hours, miss."

I nod. That's all? That's good at least. I'm not missing too much time.

Rosemera's eyes drift to my forearm. A shimmer of light reflects off of my skin. It's subtle. The sailors haven't yet noticed the remnants of magic evident on my body.

"What happened to you, Whitley?"

I wince at the use of that name. My name, I remind myself.

I should know it. It should be a central part of who I am. And yet... I have a hard time keeping a grasp on that. I am Whitley. I am here with him. I don't trust sirens.

The rest is... hazy.

"I'm not sure," I say, which is true. Somewhat.

Perhaps I do know what happened, but if I think that through completely, I suspect this blissful calm will recede and the storms will blow in.

"He's pretty distraught, you know. Bluff?"

My stomach twists in such a painful way when she uses that word—that name—that my knees buckle and I almost lose my balance. I grip the railing to keep from falling.

Bluff.

Something clicks back into place, like a spell beginning to recede. Already the pain is flooding through my limbs. A blast of fear. A river of regret.

"Why?" I whisper.

"I was hoping you'd tell me that."

I narrow my eyes, working through the haze over my mind. As quickly as the hypnosis of the waves fell away, it rushes back in. I pull my gaze away from the sea for the first time and lock eyes with Rosemera. I look over her tangled hair and dark sun-kissed skin, covered in lovely freckles.

He's upset about me. About my current... state. He thinks the girl he fell in love with is gone forever.

I don't intend to tell Rosemera any of this, but I am grateful she was able to help me clear my mind enough to function.

"Perhaps I should talk with him."

"Perhaps." Her eyes narrow as she scrutinizes my face. "You sure you don't know what happened?" she says, concern gone, her expression is now filled with suspicion.

I'm fairly certainly she shouldn't know about the magic floating through my body now, but I can't find the will to care if she puts the pieces together on her own. I simply won't say the words. If she knows, she knows.

"Where is he?" I ask.

She purses her lips. "He went up to the crow's nest."

I force a smile. "In that case, I'll take some of that soup you offered up to him."

Her expression softens, though not completely. She hesitantly nods and turns away.

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