Born of starlight and shadows

~Part twenty one~

I'm always afraid that when I wake up from those dreams, something similar will happen. That the fact that she's gone will awaken something inside of me, really, truly awaken it, and that destruction will follow. Unleashed on the world by the something I never asked to be forced upon me, but has always always always, been part of me, buried under the surface. Destruction that I won't be able to control.

Destruction that-this is what I'm truly afraid of-will somehow give them proof I survived.

I don't want to think about it, but I know some of them are still out there, somewhere.

That's one of the reasons I am so afraid of staying in one place for longer than I have to.

What if they found me?

They did it once before.

They could do it again.

And...they let the two of us get close, Jade and I.

At any time they could have separated us.

But they didn't.

To them, my life was nothing but an experiment.

No.

A-

I have to pause.

Sapphire?

Game, she suggests.

Yes, a game. One they had complete control over.

A memory flickers across my mind, and, despite everything, it nearly makes me smile.

When Jade learned some of the things they had done...some of the things they had done to me in the eight years it had been since they had found me and plucked me out of that snowy landscape, she was furious.

Anger was an emotion that made her look so alive. Witnessing her anger...it always gave me a glimpse of the things she was hiding.

It made her look rather beautiful, and fierce, too. She was so protective of the things she cared about. I was always amazed I fell into that category.

One of the things Jade said, shouted, really, was this.

Like nearly all of her words, they stayed inside of my head long after she was gone.

How can these people consider themselves to be human after what they do? They have no consciences!

The answer was simple.

They consider me...they consider us to be less than them. Like a wild animals they think they have to control.

I told her so.

Control, manipulate, abuse...

I told her that, but even as I did, I failed to realize she wasn't there, with me, willingly. either. No.

They put her there for a reason. The same reason why they would do so many awful awful awful things to her...

But I had been their prisoner for so long I barely even reacted anymore. I knew that was what they wanted out of me, a reaction.

And besides, I knew there was no sense in trying to fight. I had learned that lesson long, long ago...

I would have traded places with her in a heartbeat. I would have. I felt so powerless listening to her screams...

I knew if I tried to intervene I would only make things worse. Watching her cry out, green eyes full of terror, pleading for a release that would never come...

It's one of the worse things I've ever seen.

Sometimes they would take her away without warning, and she would come back, curled up on the floor in a sobbing heap.