The Story of Kaiden and Lilac

17

L I L A C

Raphael was in the hospital.

I beat that little sucker into a pulp.

I don't like pulp in my orange juice. I don't even like orange juice because after you brush your teeth and you drink it, it tastes funny. Do you know what also tastes funny...Kaiden's dick.

Well, that is what Raphael told me. I was prohibited to search up what it means. I think it has something to do with Disney Land or Peppa pig. Like Kaiden is one of the princesses in Disney Land or he watches Peppa Pig because he's a pig in disguise.

But back to the story at hand.

Raphael was in the hospital.

Not because of me...sadly but he got into a car crash. I did the hard work the car just hit him. I am the reason he's in the hospital.

OMG Lilac you are a bully. Can you get arrested?

Arson.

No! STOP THINKING FIRE THOUGHTS!

"Raphael, what were you thinking driving recklessly?!" His mom yelled.

I stood up."He wasn't driving recklessly, believe me. I was the car-mhpmg." Kaiden covered my mouth and made me sit on his lap.

He's holding a felon in his hands. You know what that means.

Put him in a chokehold and make him listen to Kidz bop!

"How are you, sweetie?" Ms. McKay asked me.

"I'm chilling. You know, becoming a car was very tiring but thanks to my monster brain and my pretty sidekick Kaiden I was able to take full responsibility for Raphael's car crash without dying. Although Kaiden refused to wear the maid outfit so the mission failed successfu-." OH MY GOODNESS!

Kaiden kissed my ear.

I slapped him.

"Did you just give me an ear STD?" I asked him and he looked confused.

"What?" He replied.

"You have an STD and you bit my ear so now I have one." I told him.

"I don't have an ST-."

Time to fight.

Lilac vs. Kaiden.

Pow.

Pow.

Pow.

....Now Kaiden is in the hospital.

I take full responsibility for that too.

But he's just getting a check up. What if he dies? Do I have to wear black to the funeral or is purple fine?

I want babies.

WAIT!

I ran upstairs to NICU and saw

"BABIES!" I squealed when I saw the tiny newborns.

I need to take a selfie with them in the background.

I snapped a picture really quickly and sent it to my friends but not before captioning it- "how much do babies cost? #sellmeyourkids"

I was genuinely curious but Kaiden just sent a lot of random letters and a crying emoji.

OH MY GOODNESS!

Did Kaiden get possessed and the only way he can communicate with me is through emojis?

I need to help him.

I ran to the room he was in and sent him these emojis because he's possessed.

"👉👌😉"

I need him to open the door. The winking emoji is super cute so I added that too.

He has to understand what I mean.

"You wanna fuck?" He replied.

YOU DID IT LILAC! You unpossessed him.

"You mean sexual intercourse?" I responded.

"Yeah." He clarified.

"No."

Now that Kaid is okay. I need to steal a baby.

I ran back to NICU and saw a doctor. OMG. I grabbed the first white coat I found and became a doctor. Didn't even need to go to med school.

"Hello, fellow doctor man," I said and he narrowed his eyes at me.

Do I have eye boogers?

"Who are you? You don't work in NICU." He told me.

"That is correct. I came here from uhh England, yeah. I do brain stuff." I replied.

You're nailing it with the British accent, Lilac.

Thank you One Direction.

"Brain stuff really?" He asked.

"Uhh yeah, that's what I just said. Damn dude, you're old- I mean you nice coat..." I said.

It was an awkward silence.

"How much are the babies worth?" I said out of nowhere.

"What?" He asked.

"What?" I replied. Who said that?

"Anyways I should go before I have an aneurysm. Get it because I'm a brain doctor." I joked.

"That's not funny." He told me.

"Not funny at all," I replied putting my hands in my pocket.

I ran off and went back to Raphael's room.

HE WAS AWAKE!

I jumped on him so we have a Lilac-hug.

"Ouch, Li." He told me.

"I did that," I said with pride but then I realized. He's actually hurt and I can go to jail for assault with a deadly weapon...my hands are the deadly weapon.

Destroy the witnesses.

Kaiden entered the room and I concluded, that this is a sign from above.

I need to put Kaiden in a chokehold.

"AHHHHH!" I yelled and attacked him onto the floor.

"What are you doing?" He asked me.

"I'm getting arrested for smuggling drugs," I whispered in his ears.

"What?" He asked, confused.

"I'm a fugitive. You were housing a fugitive. How does it feel?" I asked narrowing my eyes.

"What?" That was the one thing he could say.

The doctor came into the room.

"Oh no, they found me. Bye, bye beautiful Kaiden. Sadly, I'll be behind bars before I see you in a maid outfit but it's okay, send me pictures." I said and kissed his lips.

He was shocked. Like I told him, I had sexual intercourse with his dead mother. But nonetheless, he returned to normal.

"AND SCENE! I'm hungry guys. Do you want to go to the cafeteria with me?" I asked Kaiden.

"What?" He asked.

Is he broken?

Donuts.