A head in the clouds. And a heart in the mud.

Layla:

All of a sudden, light floods throughout my room; Instantly pulling me from the whirlwind of thoughts. I squint, trying to readjust my eye sight. What the fuck. I twist around in the desk chair that I've become cuddled up in. My mum is stood glowering at me in the doorway, her chest visibly rises and falls.

"I have had enough." She declares, taking two large steps towards me. "You can't keep doing this to yourself. It's three in the afternoon and you are camped out in the pitch black." I watch as she picks up my dirty clothes, placing them into the hamper.

She pulls on the jet black curtains, and opens the window up as wide as she can. "You're wasting away and I won't have it. I'm worried about you. You won't eat properly and I can hear you pacing the house at night. Enough is enough."

I can feel her dissatisfaction. She's worried about me? Maybe I am worried about me too but of course I would never tell her that. She's starring, waiting for me to speak but I have no words. She's expecting me to fight her on it. But I won't. What's the point. Everything she is saying-it's all correct. I am losing my shit. She can see it. So why try to pretend otherwise.

"I spoke to your father, he said that you can go and stay with him for the rest of the summer." That tweaks my attention. I haven't heard from my dad since it happened. I didn't even know that they were in contact again, because that's not weird or anything.

"Doesn't that sound lovely." No mum. No, actually it sounds fucking dreadful. He blamed me for him ever having left in the first place. I'm not the daughter that he wanted, I can't make him proud, not now, not after everything.

I stand to my feet, tying my hair up on the top of my head. "I'm not going to stay with dad." My voice is raspy. I don't want to leave this place. Not really. Not even short term and especially not to see him. She's trying to get rid of me. Isn't she? Just like everyone else.

"Layla." I shake my head. No.

"I don't want to go." I argue.

"But this place isn't good for you. Can you not see that? You're getting bad again." I want to hug her- tell her that I am okay. That of course I can't see it because it's not true but that would be a lie. How do I tell the woman that gave me life, that I feel like I'm living in a graveyard. Like all there is, are the bones of the people that I used to be, the people I used to love. That it's destroying me but it's also the only way that I can stay close to them, the only way that I can remember.

"I can't leave. It's not the place, it's me. Please let me stay." She's thinking it through. Hand on her hip, foot tapping against the floor.

"Of course I want you to stay but if I agree, you have to promise to get out of this house. You need to take care of yourself. If I feel like you aren't doing these two things well enough. I will call your father and he will come to get you himself." I can tell that she's being serious, and right now, I'm not exactly willing to push my luck. Not about this at least.

"I promise." I tell her, offering a small smile. "You know, I was going to go for a walk today anyway actually, so I think that I'll just go and do that now." I move to grab a jacket from out of the closet behind me. And when I turn back she is smiling widely at me.

"Yes." She grins. "Yes. Good. Be gone at least an hour." She takes my arms, pulling me into a hug before walking me to the front door herself.

"Dinner tonight?" She says as I stand out on the porch. "With Paul." She adds slyly. "Please say you'll join us." I sigh.

"Mum, I really don't think your boyfriend is going to want to hang out with me." She breaks out into a grin.

"Well that's where you are wrong. It was his idea. So seven, we will be eating at seven." The last thing I want to do is sit around, eating and socialising with my mother and "Paul". Like why? But I have to. I need to put my mums mind at ease. I need her to stop obsessing over what is going on with me. I need her to stop watching me. "Okay, fine." I finally say.

"Brilliant." She attempts to hide her excitement. "I will call him now." She says cheerily. "Bye now." She waves at me once more and then, closes the door in my face. Lovely.