Beloved

ten

Sister telepathy struck or something, and suddenly there was a knock at my door. I knew it was Cara before she opened it due to her aggressive knocking in a rhythmic song that had no rhythm.

"Come in!" The door was halfway open before I had even yelled.

"Hello, sister. Where's Emmett?" Her head turned as she glanced around the apartment. The apartment Emmett apparently hated so much. I liked it, it was warm and small and felt like my own. I groaned in response to her question and she plopped down next to my feet on the couch. "Again?" I nodded, Angie wriggled in my arms, excited to see Cara. "I thought he was over this..."

"He asked me to marry him." I stated blankly. Her face was confused, brilliantly happy, and lost why I seemed so sad.

"You don't seem happy about that." I gulped air, knowing that now was the time.

"I can't stop thinking about Mason." Her pupils went wide. Her face long and stretched. She let out a hysteric breath of laughter.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me, Jessica." I stayed blank. "Emmett is one thousand times the man Mason ever was. He loves you. Can you really imagine Emmett doing any of the things Mason ever did to hurt you?" She was smart, reasonable. I knew she was right.

"I never thought Mason could do those things either." She rolled her eyes.

"This is absolutely ridiculous. Emmett is perfect. Mason was never perfect. Mason is stubborn, and grouchy, and hot headed more than he is anything else. Its wired into him. Do you not remember the piercing sound of Mason's voice in your ear every time you try to have a little fun? Every time you try to cook?" Cara was fed up with my shit, that was clear. But I was surprised to see the side she was taking. "Mason is in the past, Jess. He's strutting around with that stupid blonde girl, just to fulfill his destiny of being douche of the year." I bit my lip nervously. She made good points.

"You're going to stop this, right now. Mason hurt you. You couldn't even stand to look at him for months. Now all of a sudden you're in love with him again? Did you guys hook up or something? Where is this coming from?" She stood up off the grey sofa and stood strongly on the carpet.

I shook my head no, "it's not new. I've always felt this way." She rolled her eyes at me.

"I can't believe this is happening. You're not throwing your life away for Mason fucking Stritt. Grow up, Jess. We're not 16 anymore, okay? Mason's gone. The house is gone. You're done. Stop with the madness." She was yelling at me, louder than Emmett had, and I knew I deserved it. I knew she was right and that's what made it so painful to hear.

Cara had gotten me through the divorce, but I wasn't sad then. I was angry. The worst part is that I wasn't mad at Mason, I was mad at myself for not being able to move past it, for creating this life for myself. For doing it wrong. I felt tears roll down my cheeks again.

"You can't be serious." She said dramatic and angry. "Please, tell me this is a joke." I stayed silent and stared at the blank wall behind her. She laughed cynically. "Oh god, you're serious. Lord help me..." She took deep breaths, pacing around the living room.

"And does Mason know about this? Does he feel the same way?" I shrugged which only set her off more. "You're throwing your life away and you don't even know if Mason agrees?" I didn't have to hear it. I knew that what I had with Mason was different. It wasn't something that went away, clearly. I prayed that he knew the same fact. "Let me calm down." She went into the kitchen and I couldn't see her anymore. She was right. I was a fuckup.

But it felt good to finally say it, to let it out. To let someone know the way I had been feeling.

She came back minutes of blank thought later, more calm.

"So all this fighting with Emmett? It was pre-meditated?" She sat back down next to me, Angie had run away scared.

"No, of course not. He can just... tell I guess. I always denied it. But I can't marry him, Cara. As much as I want to it feels- wrong. I have no reason to not marry him, I have no reason to not love him as much as he loves me."

"Damn right." She added. I glared at her. Sisterly.

"What was I supposed to do?" I pleaded, "what am I supposed to do now?" She let out a long breath.

"If you love Mason so much, that you can't marry someone else, then however Mason feels shouldn't matter. You don't get to choose anymore. You hurt Emmett. You either stay with him, marry him, have fucking italian minion children or something... Or you lose him, and see whatever happens with Mason or please God, anyone else." She tried to laugh, and it sort of made me snot laugh too. I kept my words in, not knowing what to say. "But I feel like, if we're here at this point, you've already made your choice, Jess."

My heart sank. She was right.