LOTR/TH Onehots

Leaving (Haldir x Gender!Neutral Reader)

Word count: 989

A/N Ok this is a lot shorter than I was expecting, but I think I did alright. Enjoy!

We had gone over this conflict for so long. And this was only the beginning. I sighed, picking up my stuff. "Haldir, this is something I want to be a part of. I need to be a part of. Can you understand that?"

Haldir frowned, looking down at me. "Of course I can understand that, but that doesn't mean I want you to be a part of this. There will be many more battles to be fought. But I can't have you involved in this one." His voice lowered, and I could tell he was trying to figure out what to say. "Meleth nin, I never want you to be hurt. I never want to see you in the midst of battle. It would be too hard. You must understand," He pleaded, but I turned away.

I was caught between despair and anger. Tears welled in my eyes, begging to be let go. I thought he knew I could handle myself. But maybe he didn't think I could. Maybe he didn't trust my abilities. After all, he refused to train me, claiming he would never let harm get to me. But here we are, the forest itself threatened by the growing dark. He shouldn't have underestimated me. "Maybe you're right, I shouldn't go. But I will anyway. I will find a way, even if you won't let me," I spat out angrily.

Haldir turned me back around, holding my shoulders in place. The light flickered, sending shadows across his face. It was eerie, and it made him look more menacing than I had expected. Sure, I knew he was a brilliant fighter, cutthroat. But never to me. This was a side of him I had never seen before. His eyes darkened, and I felt my heart racing. Whether it was because of the touch of his skin on mine, or the look on his face, I could not tell. "You will do no such thing," he spoke in a scarily calm manner.

I shrunk down. "But, I can. I can do this. Do you not believe in me? Why aren't you letting me?" I said, making my face colder. If we were going to play this game, I would do my damn best.

Haldir shook his head and began pacing the room. "Why? You would not know. You have never been in the heat of a battle, making life or death decisions in the spur of the moment. You have never been injured in such a way, never faced evil in this way. I don't care if it's a small skirmish, I love you too much to let anything happen to you. If anything happened to you, I would never forgive myself." He stopped, right in front of me, and grasped my hands. I looked into his eyes, and I saw something I had never seen before. He was scared. He was frightened of losing me. And even if it was something I wanted, he was too scared to let me go.

I was still mad, but I understand how he felt. I slowly pulled my hands out of his grasp and turned away. I packed up the clothes he would need while he stood there, frozen. A million emotions ran through my head, each one more overwhelming than the rest. I know how he felt. I felt it every time he left me. Every time he went to fight a war he could not stop. The fear, the waiting, the longing. It seemed unfair that I had to go through that every time he left, but he wouldn't let me help.

Numbly, I handed the bag to Haldir, and he grabbed it, softly touching my hand. He leaned in, softly brushing my lips. I didn't respond, and he pulled away, looking into my eyes. He was hurting, but I was hurting more. He pulled me into a hug, giving a defeated sigh.

"I'm sorry meleth nin," He murmured, pressing kisses into my hair. I closed my eyes, savoring the warmth he gave me. I don't know how long we stood there for. I began to hear rain patter against the roof, the sound beckoning him to leave. He gave me one last kiss, softly brushing my lips, and walked out the door. I closed it behind him, and sank down to my feet, finally letting the tears flow. My emotions swirled everywhere, sobs wracking my body. The tears that flowed were warm, salty, reminding me every second of my love. My love that had just left me. Even if it was to save me, to protect me, he left. I did not know if he was to come back. If he was to ever caress my cheek, to sink into my arms, to cherish me ever again. It was always in the back of my mind when he left, but never like this. This felt more real, darker, perilous.

I willed myself to move, to get up, to move along with my day, but I couldn't. Not like before. This time was different. Something was different. Wrong. I opened the door, rain pelting my face. It cooled the anger, the betrayal I felt. I walked out onto the walkway, and up more stairs until I reached our perch. We always came up here, at the top of the trees. We could see much more of Lorien, and it was beautiful. The rain soaked my clothes, yet I felt nothing. I could never feel anything when he was gone. He always took a part of me with him, and he never knew. Never knew the pain he caused when he left. I sat there for a while, letting the rain clear my mind. I laid back, closing my eyes. I let all the emotions I felt slowly leave me until I felt only the hollowness of being alone. And that's how it was for me. I was all alone.