I'm Not Fine At All

Chapter 38

Harry grinned and immediately scooched back over so he could curl up next to the older boy, placing his head of curls on his chest. Louis's breath hitched when he felt the boy's lips brush across his neck before he got settled, and he clenched his eyes shut as he tried to keep himself from getting hard. His heart was pounding in his chest, he knew Harry could hear it, but the boy said nothing. He just stayed silent, slowly rubbing circles on Louis's belly as he tried to get to sleep. Louis ran his fingers through Harry's hair a few times, trying to find a bit of peace, but his heart wouldn't slow down and he felt too tense for sleep.

"Haz?" The older boy asked, breaking the heavy silence. Harry hummed from where his cheek was pressed against Louis's pec. "Why would you do that? Like, go to a strip club and drink underaged?" The younger boy sighed and stopped his hand movements. "It was a surprise from Niall and Calum. They wanted me to experience the thrill of doing something illegal. I also think they wanted me to get laid, but that's a whole other story." Louis's chest swelled with anger at Niall and Calum. He hated that they wanted to take his boy's innocence away. "Did you? Get laid, I mean." Harry shook his head into Louis's chest. "No, we weren't there long enough. Niall kept asking me what strippers I thought were hot but I didn't want any of them."

Louis felt himself calm down a little, glad Harry hadn't done it for the first time with someone he barely knew in a gross club he had never been to before. "Good. You should have your first time with someone who loves and cares about you, so even if it's not that great, you still have that memory of who the person was. You should pick someone who you know will make it feel good." In Louis's mind, he was thinking, 'Me me me, pick me! I love and care about you!' but he kept that to himself. He didn't want to scare the poor boy away. "I don't know someone like that, though. The only people I'm that close with are the guys, who I would never have sex with cause, like, all of them are way too hot for me, and Zayn, who's also way too hot for me, and then you."

The older boy's chest constricted and he felt like Harry just dropped an anvil on his heart. Of course Harry didn't want to have sex with him. He was his older brother's best friend. That's practically like another older brother. "I don't know, you just have to find someone. Sometimes the best person to have your first time with is a friend because then you already know each other," He said through gritted teeth, trying to resist just telling Harry he loved him and wanted to be his first. "Are you saying you want me to have sex with Niall?" Harry asked. "Because both of us are bottoms so I don't know how that would work." Louis groaned deep in his throat. "I'm not saying to do it with Niall, I'm saying that it can be good to do it with a friend that takes care of you and knows what you want. Maybe even someone older."

Harry still wasn't getting it at all. "Like Ashton, or Calum? I think Ashton might be straight, and I don't think Calum wants me at all." Louis just gave up. He was done with trying to give the boy hints. "Whatever, Harry. It doesn't fucking matter who you do it with. Just make sure you do it when you're ready. Now go to fucking sleep." Louis moved out from under Harry and turned to his side, flipping the light on the bedside table off. Harry just laid there in shock, not knowing why Louis had just snapped at him, and he felt tears prick his eyes. He hated to cry right when Louis was next to him, but what he said hurt. Tears poured down his cheeks and he sniffled softly, not wanting to alert Louis and make him even angrier. He flipped onto his side, facing away from Louis, and cried softly into his pillow.

Louis heard the sniffles and he immediately felt a surge in his chest, knowing that he had made Harry cry. He turned back over so he was facing Harry's back and reached out tentatively, rubbing over the boy's shoulder. "Stop, Louis. You told me to go to sleep and I'm going to sleep. I don't want your fake pity." Louis swallowed, hearing the hurt in Harry's voice. "I'm sorry, Haz. I really am. I'm just tired and I haven't slept that well recently and I'm a little pissed at Liam for calling me since I live so far away and I had just managed to get to sleep. I...I'm not in a great mood. But it's not your fault, baby, I promise. It's your brother's fault." Louis waited for an answer, but what he got was even better.