𝐒𝐀𝐌 & 𝐁𝐔𝐂𝐊𝐘 : 𝐇𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔

9; Forgotten Forever

━━⛥⌒*ﾟ

Bucky's shoulders slouched forward as he fumbled with the phone in his hands. His lips formed into a harsh frown. He had been trying to text Sam for days now, and no response.

The big thing growled under his breath and shoved the phone to the side. Was Sam ignoring him because of that kiss? Was he ignoring him because he was a nuisance? Bucky couldn't blame him. If he were Sam, he wouldn't text back either. The anxiety was starting to rise in his chest, breath shaking. It felt like his lungs were closing up and sucking in oxygen burned like something was scratching his throat.

Why was it, everytime he got close, something came up? It always had to come.

Bucky had never believed in karma, so maybe that's why he as getting so much shit back. He had a lot of retribution coming he guessed. As his big hands rubbed and clawed at his face, he heard a soft knock on the door.

It was silly to be so scared of a knock, the way his muscles tensed until they aches and his body froze like he was back in ice. Bucky let himself get up as he counted to ten. He didn't want to hurt anyone anymore. As he inched to the door he grabbed a knife.

Closer, closer, closer he leaned to the peephole and gazed out into the hallway. Steve stood there with tears in his eyes, cheeks red and raw like he'd been crying hard for hours. Bucky couldn't help the way his heart sank, how quickly he tired the door open and rushed out to Captain fucking America. A hand grabbed for Steve's, watching him flinch against his metal hand.

" Steve? Darling, what's wrong?" Bucky cooed. He gently coaxed him into the apartment and sat him down on the bed.

It laid sad and alone, with a single sheet for a blanket, in the middle of the living room. Steve's lip quivered as he sank down to sit on the mattress. Bright blue eyes darted up to gaze into Bucky's sadly, like a hurt puppy. A pitiful whimper left his lips as he wiped at the tears on his cheeks, breath starting to shake.

" I'm sorry Buck, I just didn't know where else to go.." Steve trailed off, and gazed at him expectantly to sit beside him.

Bucky sank down, they were so close their shoulders brushed together and he could smell the mint on Steve's breath. He was so pretty. 

" what happened, Steve? I haven't seen you so down in.." Bucky trailed off as he gazed at him, frowning deeply.

Buck was like a puppy dog, staring, waiting, following Steve wherever he asked. His eyes snapped away and onto the ground; Steve is married. With a child. A child he was the godfather of. He needed to stop this, stop craving his kiss, quietly longing for Steve to notice him. To love him, to touch him, to tell him he was pretty.

Fingertips slid along Bucky's sharp jawline and a hand cupped his cheeks. Captain America slowly leaned down. He didn't kiss him, no. There was a reason.

They moved toward eachother; lips hovering gracefully, feeling eachothers breath on their skin. Steve held his cheek in his hands and stared down into Bucky's eyes like he was swimming in a pool of his soul, bathing and touching every inch of it.

Bucky sucked in a shaky breath, his chest heaving lightly as he grasped at the hands over the ones grasping at his cheeks. Slowly bucky blinked and he tried to even his breath..

The winter soldier felt this warmth wrap around his body like a blanket, an old memory rolling up to the front of his mind. Bucky smiled down at Steve as he came out of his apartment. He was small still, scrawny and he wheezed against the cold Brooklyn air. Bucky watched him grab his inhaler and sucked on it lightly in need.

Bucky took the lose blue jacket I'm his hands and guided Steve behind alleyway. He looked at him and then down. Steve was oozing with nervousness; they walked to school together every single day. Everyday Steve was five minutes late. They were late. Every single day. Bucky didn't mind, it meant not a lot of people were going to be following or listening to them.

" Don't be nervous," Bucky whispered as he looked at his friend, calloused fingers traced over his collar and he batted his long lashes at him.

" I.. I just don't wanna be late buck, I don't want detention. It'd kill  my mama." Steve whispered as he blushed against his every single touch.

" Okay okay, but listen." Bucky laughed as he smoothed his blond hair out and ruffled it up to make him all angry and flustered like he liked. "You doing anything this weekend?'

" That depends on what you're planning," Steve mumbled as his cheeks flared red out of frustration and he tried to fix his perfectly jelled hair.

" Well.."

Bucky hummed as he put a hand beside his friends head, leaning as he gazed down at him. His eyes narrowed slightly. His eyes were warm pools of blue, not cold or piercing. There wasn't an inch of meanness in him, even a little. Steve didn't know why he'd go to war; but it made sense. He got to leave his parents, and their intense pressure, and he was always good at saving the little guy.

You're the little guy, Steve reminded himself.

" Dad's letting me take the car tonight and I was thinking we could pick up some girls, and you can't say no because I already invited them and asked your mama." Bucky smirked from ear to ear, brow cocking as he watched Steve blush deeper every inch he moved closer.

" no."

" What do you mean no?'

Steve looked angry all of the sudden and he looked away, fist balling as he glared at Bucky. Why did he have to be so fucking infuriating? Why couldn't he make things easy? They had confessed their love to eachother freshman year, but he had been getting mixed signals.

Bucky took girl out on dates with him, dated cheerleaders, and all kinds of things. But he also slept in his bed and held his hand walking down the street and they looked at eachother like nobody mattered.

" I'm tired of this! I'm so tired of this!" Steve exclaimed angrily, but he didn't move. He stayed there. Still and angry as he looked down.

" What do you want? You want a kiss?" Bucky whispered, cupping his little face in giant hands and guided him to look into his eyes.

Steve paused. Was that an option? Quietly the smaller boy nodded and bit his bottom lip as he leaned up. He wanted to feel his lips. He wanted to kiss him.

" The best part of a kiss.. is the beginning of it.."  Bucky exclaimed.

Steve's eyelashes batted softly and he looked a little confused until he felt a thumb tilt his head slightly. They moved close and their lips nearly touched, both of them taking a shaky breath, ready to kiss. The real kiss never came.

━━⛥⌒*ﾟ

Bucky blinked when he felt Steve actually press their lips into a gentle, careful kiss. He was excited at first. Feeling the warmth of someone's skin on his own, the needy breaths as they clawed and clung at eachother. A very small noise left Bucky; his lips tingled as he smelled the mint on Steve's breath. The same brand Sam used, must be.

As he touched his cheek and closed his eyes the thought wafted into his head. If he shut his eyes tight enough he almost felt like..

Bucky quickly pulled back. He touched his lips as he gasped quietly, pressing the back of hand against his mouth. Wide eyes darted at Steve and then at the floor. A million times like a ticking, endless clock. He swallowed a big gulp of air as his shoulders slouched forward.

" Buck? What's wrong? Please I need.. I need you please.." Steve begged as he went to touch him again, watching his best friend flinch away.

The giant man got right onto his feet and stepped back, out of his touch as he shook his head. His head was spinning. This feeling on his lips, the lingering feeling of Steve's touch tingling his perfect mouth. He needed to wash it off. It didn't feel right. It felt wrong. It felt out of place.

" What's..?"

" You have a husband! You.. you chose! You already chose someone and it was him. Not me." Bucky raised his voice slightly.

Tears ran down his cheeks and he rubbed at his beard, biting his bottom lip . He couldn't stop thinking about Peter; Peter would be heartbroken if he found out what Steve and him just did..

☆⌒★⌒☆⌒★⌒☆⌒★⌒☆⌒★⌒☆⌒★⌒☆⌒★⌒☆