Secret Relationship (slow updates)

Chapter 5

The kiss felt like we were lost there for hours but it was only mere seconds. I flutter my eyes open and see Lizzie looking at me with the biggest smile on her face and I can't help but smile.

Me: So breakfast?

Lizzie: Well you made breakfast yesterday so let me make breakfast today?

Me: Okay, what are you going to make?

Lizzie: I am going to surprise you. Also tonight I was thinking we could have a little date night? I know Kenzie comes back tomorrow and it'll be our last night with your apartment to ourselves and I figure we could have a cute little date night here.

Me: Okay yeah I'd love nothing more than to have a proper date with you. I know it's not out in the public but even just being in my apartment it's worth it if I get to spend more time with you gorgeous

Lizzie's cheeks were turning red and I had a little smile grow knowing I was the cause of her blushing.

Lizzie: Stop it you big flirt. Alright I'm going to go make breakfast so we aren't stuck in bed all day.

Me: No! I like having you here in my arms!

Lizzie: We have been holding each other all of last night and for the past hour we've been awake

Me: It's still not enough

Lizzie: Well I want to make our last day before sneaking around special! I promise you it'll be worth it.

Me: Okay fine, I'm going to shower and then I'll meet you in my kitchen

Lizzie: okay!

Lizzie kissed me on the cheek before heading to my kitchen while I sat on my bed for a few moments watching her leave my room. Even after she left I sat thinking about how I got to this point in my life. I then got up and showered with the biggest smile on my face and as I was in the shower I thought about what Lizzie told me.

I mean I'm fine with keeping us a secret for a while, especially with her life being so public. I don't know what she does exactly but she did bring up that she's constantly getting her picture taken and how sometimes the pictures are misconstrued. I hate she has to deal with that, I know that would be annoying for anyone to deal with. Like I said I don't mind keeping us a secret for a while, I mean I'm not even out to my family so I get it. I'm just hoping we can at least be open with our friends about anything in a few months.

I meant it though when I said I would go at her pace, I have been in her shoes before with my ex, granted I wasn't in the public eye but I still understood.

Memory

Me and Allie were getting closer, we cuddled, always interlocking our arms or hands. Nobody really thought much of it other than we were close, I mean I started to feel something for her when we went on a school trip. She had called me her wifey and that lit something in me but I pushed it aside not knowing what that meant. It's been a month and the more we're together the more I'm starting to develop feelings for her in a way I never thought I could for a girl before. Maybe I should talk to her about it at our hangout tonight. I mean I don't even know if she feels the same about me, I also know she's open about her sexuality but I'm sill trying to figure myself out

It's nighttime and I'm picking her up outside her complex before going to dinner together. As she gets in the car I just look at her and feel my heart skip a beat, she looks gorgeous.

Allie: What are you giving me that look for V?

V is the nickname she called me, usually that or wifey, it was our little thing.

Me: I'm just taken aback by how good you look.

A: Oh c'mon you're one to talk, have you looked at yourself?

Me: Stop you're making me blush

I said it in a joking manner but in reality she really was making me blush. I did my best to hide it. We drove off and then as I park the car in the parking lot she turns to me and she has nervousness written all over her face.

Me: Hey what's going on up there? *I tapped her head while I said that*

A: *Giggles* It's just I wanted to ask you something and I don't know how you're going to respond.

Me: You can ask me anything, you know that

A: I know just nervous I guess.

I grabbed her hands and she finally looks me in the eyes

Me: Don't be nervous, I'm right here, always.

A: Well I was wondering if umm you'd want to be my girlfriend? I know we are super close friends and I don't want to ruin that if there's nothing here but I like you and I think you like me too. I mean I won't be mad if you say you don't look at me in that way, yeah it'll hurt but I won't let it ruin our friendship because at the end of the day I want you in my life. So... 

I'm taken aback by her question and I look down lost in thought, which I guess worries her.

A: I'm sorry I just thought that...

Me: Allie I want to be your girlfriend but I have to be honest, I don't even know what it's like being with a girl. I never have been with a girl, I'd be lying though if I said the thought of being in a relationship with you hasn't crossed my mind. You make me feel things that are new and different, it's just I'm not as open about this as you are. I don't know whether I'm a lesbian or bi, I know I like you and I want to do this but you deserve better than to be with me.

A: What? V, I like you and only you, what do you mean I deserve better?

Me: It's just if we were to do this I would want it to be just between us for a while, I don't know when I'll be comfortable to tell everyone but I want this to be just us for a while until I figure things out. You deserve someone though who is going to want to be out and open about the relationship, I don't want to make you go back in the closet.

A: Hey look at me, I don't care how long it takes, I want to be with you and only you. If it means doing this in secret for a while until you come to terms with who you are that's okay with me. As long as I'm with you it doesn't matter.

Me: Promise?

A: I promise you

We kissed and had a date night. I can't believeI have a girlfriend so understanding.