One Shots - taegguk

wishing upon a tomorrow

30.12.1995

This year I spent my birthday with Jeongguk. Maybe people would call it cliche but honestly it was THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER.

Sitting by the seashore under the blanket of stars, hand in hand with him. Talking about us. The moment was just perfect. Our eyes fixed on each other when I leaned in till our lips met. Both of us melted into that drugging kiss, forgetting what the universe had to offer.

Just live the moment — he taught me that.

25.02.1996

I couldn't believe we completed an year together when it felt like it was just yesterday that we had met. It was clear I wanted to be with him forever. Be by his side, always. So that's what I decided. I WILL BE HIS FOREVER.

26.02.1996

I don't get it. He should have said yes. He should have agreed to marry me. But he didn't. Said something about society. Well, fuck society I don't care about them. All I want is to be with him.

27.02.1996

Jeongguk was right. I was being unreasonable. The place where we live in failed to understand the love. True love. For them it was almost existential fact bound in a book of fairytale. When people do find it in real life, they are crushed. People are meant to play safe by the rules. Whether it meant finding happiness or not.

But I swore to Jeon Jeongguk, I will conquer for his happiness. If Seoul doesn't furnish our love on it's pages of history, we will find another page to write it down.

30.05.1996

I left for America with the love of my life. My home. My forever.

25.11.1996

I proposed to him, yet again. This time, he said yes. He will marry me!!

12.12.1997

It was our wedding day. He looked the prettiest in his white wedding vest. The dress shirt flailed on the sides as he walked on the aisle. He was stunning.

My heart raced as the minister recited the vows. "Jeon Jeongguk. Do you take Kim Taehyung as your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do", he said.

31.03.1998

Not long after our marriage Jeongguk started acting strange. He was being distant. He went out at 7 a.m. and returned back at 6 p.m. By that time he would be drowsy. He started taking some pills to kill his headache. I saw the pallor on his face that never existed.

It even drained me.

02.04.1998

A call came from hospital. It was Jeongguk calling me to meet him there. Even though I was worried to death, I soothed myself and responded to the call positively.

There laid his fragile body, listening to the doctor reluctantly. "Mr Kim, Jeongguk does not have much time left in his hand. I'm so sorry but only a miracle can save him." Those words stabbed my heart multiple times.

Not being able to process this phase, I asked Jeongguk about it. He had a brain tumor, cancerous. He was fighting the third stage. Only having three months left in this world. With me. I caressed his hand as tears slithered down my cheeks uncontrollably.

"Honey. Please don't cry. Let's live like there's no tomorrow." Maybe he said it with ease but I had a feeling he did not have that tomorrow.

When the time comes, will he be able to make it through that final tomorrow?

I spent the night on his lap. Secretly weeping in the woe that casted upon our happy marriage.

29.10.1998

In this dark world there was a little hope to live with, called Jeongguk. Yes. He was still here with me through this autumn fall resting in my arms. Smiling. In my warmth.

But it was destined.

He left like the last autumn leaf on the tree. Leaving me all alone.

12.12.1998

It was almost going to be two months with an empty spot beside me. Lacking the warmth of my dear's presence. I miss Jeongguk. Maybe I always will.

I thought about it. He would have wanted to spend some more time thinking of grandpa. So, he was there under the same tree we first met.

Every week I sit beside his grave with his favourite strawberries, handpicked from our farm. Only to feel him smiling and giggling when the leaves of the big tree danced with air. That time I realised, we were yet to do so many things together. Dance with each other. Sing with each other. Learn so much about each other. Love each other.

I let my tears fall at last.

"Happy anniversary Jeongguk, baby. I will always keep loving you."

—

I swear I did not do that on purpose. Eyes just start leaking sometimes alright?!!

🥀 15th Jul 2021