Macanese

I'm no different

"You seem lonely, so I brought you a friend. Hopefully you will say more to him than you did to me without a bad result." I stare at him. Looking into his soul. Damaging it. Haunting it. Scaring it. "Don't let death glare at me. I am not the one in trouble here. You are." He stuck his slim, bony finger at me. I just roll my eyes as Jim comes and sits down in front of me.

"Cigar?" Jim asks, bringing out the box and showing it to me. I just push it away from me and back towards him, signaling that I don't want one of the things that ruin your life, like a responsible person. "I promise that they won't knock you out this time."

"I already said that I wasn't like my dad, I'm not an addict so I am not having one, I don't want to ruin my life like you have, like you had ever since you had one, I just can resist the ingredients that make them addictive unlike you perfetic, unworthy humans, so glad I'm only half human now, if that. There isn't a reason or a celebration to have one for. I am like my mother that way." He nods as he puts it back in his pocket then neatly puts his hands on his table. "Why are you sitting here?"

"To speak to you. Get you to understand that what you did will never be correct. That it didn't have to be done. We trust your judgement about running and we have helped you to the best of our ability. We're sorry for the knocking out but we had to do it quickly and you weren't really giving us any more options. We weren't the bad guys, but it looks like you now are because after everything we had done for you. You kill Suzzie when really not needed."

"I heard her words before she died. I don't need anyone else repeating them. I mean a small part of me thinks that what I did was bad but not a big part. I know that what I did was wrong, illegal. I also know that what I did was correct. If I hadn't done that then there is another person that can betray me."

"Then why did you keep me alive? I mean I am flattered that you did but aren't I just as a risk as she was."

"Yes, but you and only you. Really saved my life. So, I was just returning the favour. So now I don't owe you anything. Now can you be kind enough to go and get me something to eat. I am quite famished. Haven't eaten since this morning." He looks at me and I smile.

"I'll get you some doughnuts." Jim said before leaving the room. I stared off into space. Again, thinking about her words. The words that pierced my understanding of everything. The words that hurt me. The words that said what I was doing were wrong. Yet they were the only words that made sense in this topsy-turvy world, not that I wanted to believe it. I didn't want to be proven wrong. Not now. Not ever.

The next time I look up I see Jim looking at me with a plate of doughnuts on the table. I reach up and take one before quickly eating it. He smiles at me and I don't know why. "Lady Maz. You said that you understood what Suzzie said before you killed her. Did you believe that what she was saying was correct? If so, then why did you kill her?"

"Okay so what. Yeah, I believed her. Didn't want to show that I am not the smartest here. That some people have more common sense than me."

"Why though? Show who."

"Remember what I told Suzzie about who I was." Jim shakes his head and I sighed. "I'm a god, Jim. The goddess of the multiverse no less. There are huge amounts of people that worship me. Think of me as a higher being WITH smarter intelligence. Think that I am the most powerful. I can't show them that there are people who are above me. Who is smarter? Who is more powerful? Who understands this world better than I ever could. So, I had to. I had to kill her, and I do regret it. I regret it so much. I didn't want to do it but what else was I supposed to do? If I didn't then I would be shown as weak and worthless of the power, technology and everything else I have." I raise my head to face him. "My life."

"But you wouldn't be showing that you are weak. You would be showing them that you are powerful. That you are brave and everything else you want. That you are worthy. But most importantly you would be showing them that you care for others. That you help others even if that means showing weakness."

"I guess you're right. About it all but it's too late now. Suzzie is dead and it was all my fault. I should have listened to her. I should have been brave enough to not do it. But what do I do now? I don't deserve my life."

"Hey, don't say that. We saved your life because it was worth it. We could have left you for dead. We could have killed you while doing the operation. We didn't though because we saw that you were different. That you were worth saving. So, don't ever say that again."

"Fine but sometimes the truth hurts and right now is one of those times. You just need to learn that." Jim nods at me before standing up to leave. "Where are you going? I like your company. You make me understand. You're nice. I can actually trust you. No one else that I have encountered in my life have been able to trust as much as I trust you. You've done nothing wrong. Please stay." He shakes his head and leaves the room leaving me once again alone in the dark, lifeless and soul sucking room. I look down at my cuffed hands and sigh.

I really am no better than Albert.

I really am nothing.

I am no god.

I am no saviour.

I really should be dead.

I really should be punished.

I try my best to take my hands out of the cuffs pain free, but it really isn't succeeding so I just end up yanking them out. This nearly dislocated my thumb but I got my hands out so that is a good thing. I grab my chest and dig my hand in, finding my power source. I slowly grip my hand then pull it out. To my pleasure my eyes started to make my vision go warpy. When the captain came to ask me some questions himself his blood ran cold. His face went pale white. He ran out of the room and went to get some help. I vaguely remember him coming back into the room. Darn it. Someone's found me. Then I don't remember anything after that. I do recall the same things from before. Shouting, screaming, the smell of blood. But there was something else. Something angry. I just don't know what.

Then I couldn't recall anything.

Then I couldn't hear anything.

Then I couldn't see anything.

Then I couldn't understand anything.

My body went completely limp.

I was dead.

I scared everyone.

But I was happy

I was glad.

They tried everything to save me, but I didn't know if they did. I didn't wake up in the hospital. In fact I didn't really know where I woke up. All I know is that it is kind and heavenly up here, free from the burdens of the human world, maybe I have succeeded, maybe, just maybe I have got what I want, maybe they couldn't save me.