𝑎 𝑛𝑒𝑤 𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑑 𝑜𝑓 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 * 𝑏𝑜𝑜𝑘 𝑖

𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑟𝑡𝑦 𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑒

it's almost as if my comment had made her sick by the sheer disgust that was written across her face, "of course i do but why do you get to just say come with me and we leave it at that? i'd be leaving everything, everyone i know, everything i set up just to watch you do want you want with your life."

"but you can find-,"

"that's not the fucking point eren!," she shouted holding her hands to her face in annoyance, "it's not about finding something there! it's about the fact you want me to uproot my life for your sake, i love you i really do but this isn't a little matter i'm upset over. i can't build a home in your hands just because you want me to." she shifted in her seat to interlock her gaze with mine.

"if it was you i'd do it." i silently replied but from the look in her eyes i knew it was a mistake saying that, "so if i told you stay here in sina with me you would?" my silence was clearly my answer.

her laugh slightly got louder, "exactly, that's what i thought. don't ask me to leave my life behind if you wouldn't do the same. please just let me go back in."

i was tired of her running away with no solution to the issue, "we're not going back until we find some solution to this problem. you're right, i'm a hypocrite and inconsiderate for asking you to just give up everything to come with me but there's nobody else i want other than you. i'm not asking you to come for my own selfish needs, i'm asking you to come because i want to be somewhere new with new people and new experiences with you. there's no breaking up, there's no this can't work; i won't allow it. not after all the work we just put in to fix this shit." the air felt suffocating and i was petrified of her response, i wasn't willing to let her just give up on everything.

"i'm tired." she monotonously retorted hitting her head back on the seat.

"of?"

"doing this. every time we're good, something has to happen or change. i'm tired of having this conversation and everything settling only to be completely fucked up not too long after. i don't wanna end things but be realistic eren, you'll be hours away and meeting all these new people. you won't even have time to think twice about what it is i'm doing."

i felt myself grow angrier, "then break up with me then. you really don't see things working out? then go but don't bother fucking coming back." i didn't really want that but what was the point of fighting for anything or begging her to give things a chance if she had already decided it had failed before it really started?

"do you mean that?" her voice slightly stammered, "no but it's clearly what you want and i won't beg for you to stay with me if you're so hellbent on trying to tell me how i'll feel whether i'm here or not."

"i need time to think."

"well we don't have much of that y/n. i love you and i don't know how else to show you that no matter where it is i'm going or end up that it's not worth it if you're not by my side to reap in the benefits."

"please don't force me to make any decisions here at this very moment because i just can't eren." and there was the familiar shake in her voice that i hated, if things weren't so hard i would have reached out and kissed her. if we weren't at odds, i would have reached out and held her until her voice no longer shook with hesitation.