Allyson In Between ✔︎

Instant Messaging | Doc 6

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Messages

Samantha Zhao

———Tuesday, September 5, 12:42 AM———

Allyson: Hi, Samantha. Thank you SO MUCH for going inside Drew's house with me—and for sitting with Lindsay in the ER waiting room until my dad got there. I hope you didn't get in too much trouble for missing work. And I'm sorry it's taken me so long to write. I've made several attempts in the last two weeks (most of them in my head). Thanking you is easy, but when I try to find the words to apologize for my pre-accident behavior, I get so angry at myself that I kind of shut down. My therapist suggested (adamantly) that I write in my journal as if I'm writing to you, and it's really helped. I can actually express entire thoughts in complete sentences AND I think I'm ready to talk to you. Like in person and on a regular basis. If that's okay with you.

Allyson: You would probably laugh out loud if you knew how long it took me to press the send button on that paragraph just now. (haha)

Allyson: Oh, and I'm sorry for writing so late. But I have to admit it's not entirely unintentional. I thought it might be easier if I picked a time when you were not likely to be at your computer (or on your phone) reading as I write.

Allyson: Are you reading this right now?

Allyson: Okay. I'll take that as a no. :) I'm still struggling with this very frustrating and seemingly impossible need to understand the kind of desperation (or sheer stupidity) that led to the bad choices I don't remember making. But I'm not as angry as I was. I'm learning to accept the situation for what it is. (Extra stress on the word learning.) It took me a couple of days (and a conversation with Lindsay) to realize how hard it must have been for you to be in the Wattersons' house. AND I understand that my association with Drew was a betrayal of our friendship. So I hope you can forgive me.

Allyson: Also thank you for not giving up on me—before and after my accident. My parents said I didn't know what it was like to have a real best friend until I met you. <3

Allyson: Now I have a couple of questions I'd like to ask. I was going to get your advice about whether or not I should attend Summerfield High—as opposed to being homeschooled by Mom. (How do you make a yikes emoji?) I've changed my mind at least four times in the last week—but then yesterday, when Lindsay got on the bus for her first day of ninth grade, I decided I want to be there with her. I want the high school experience. So. Mom got permission for me to start a week (or so) late, and the guidance counselor agreed to arrange my schedule so that you and I are in all the same classes. If that's okay with you.

Allyson: Ha! That was supposed to be a question: Is that okay with you?

Allyson: What I'm really asking is if you would mind acting as a kind of ambassador? So like if someone comes up and starts talking to me (like I'm supposed to know who they are and why we became friends), you could intervene or explain or whatever. This was Lindsay's idea (which I love) but it seems like a lot to ask, so please take your time and think it through.

Samantha: Well actually, it was my idea. Lindsay and I did a lot of talking in the ER waiting room. So the answer is yes. Of course!

Allyson: Oh, hi! Did I wake you up?

Samantha: Yes and no. I've been sleeping with the phone next to my pillow because I didn't want to miss hearing from you. :) For future reference, you can tell whether or not I'm online by the little dot beside my avatar. It would've been yellow when you typed the first couple of messages, but now it's green, right?

Allyson: Yes.

Samantha: Is it okay that I chimed in? I can go offline if you're more comfortable.

Allyson: No, stay. Please! And thank you for agreeing to be my ambassador. :)

Samantha: You're welcome. And OF COURSE I forgive you. <3

Allyson: Good. Thanks. Is it okay if I ask another question?

Samantha: yes!

Allyson: Okay. It's about Noah. Have you talked to him?

Samantha: No, but he waved when I saw him at school today—and that hasn't happened in months. :) Have you talked to him?

Allyson: Nope. He left me a voice message after I got home from the ER. I've listened to it so many times, I can type the exact words for you: "Hey, Ally. I know you have a lot going on, but I was hoping we could talk, like in person, sometime soon. Whenever it's a good time for you. Like after you talk things out with your family. I'll wait for your call. You just let me know, all right?"

Samantha: How did he sound?

Allyson: Concerned. And there was a lot of hesitation between the sentences. Did you happen to see if he left before Lindsay yelled all that stuff at me?

Samantha: No, I'm Sorry. I don't know when he left. Does it matter, though? You guys need to talk about it either way, right?

Allyson: Yes it matters!!! Because if he already knows what I was doing with Drew—what I did to my little sister—then his message might mean that he agrees with what you said in the coffee shop (about how he and I never talked about the guy from new Jersey) and he's taking your advice and wants to talk about what he heard. But IF HE DOESN'T KNOW, then I have to tell him and I have no idea how he's going to react. What if he hates me???