Born of starlight and shadows

~Part one (a): Inescapable Reality~

"Get out your homework from the weekend and pass it to the front," Mrs. Ramirez instructed, shutting the door behind her.

I did as she asked, as did the rest of the class.

I estimate that in about thirty seconds, she will start doing checking attendance, I thought.

Mrs. Ramirez sat down in her desk, collected the homework papers, and clicked something on her computer. She went through the list of names, calling mine last as usual, thanks to my last name, Williams, being towards the end of the alphabet.

"Stella?" she asked.

"Here," I said.

A PowerPoint presentation appeared on the smartboard.

"Today's lesson: Trigonometric functions," the title read.

I did my best to work through the problems, raised my hand when I knew the answer, which, admittedly, wasn't very often, never once talking out of turn or else doing anything to suggest I was anything other than a hardworking, dedicated student.

We finished the day's work with two minutes to spare before the bell, to my great relief, as I was quite ready to be finished with math. While most of my classmates used this unexpected free time to talk, though, I doodled on a scrap piece of paper, and listened to many conversations that took place around me.

Listening wasn't the same as actually being a part of a conversation, by any means, but it was something. Still, the number of conversations that circled around video games and YouTube binge-watching sessions was disappointing.

Then there were those who didn't even bother interacting with their fellow students and stared down at their phones obsessively. Mrs. Ramirez had said at the beginning of the year that it was all right to have your phone out if it was the very, very end of class, but still. I couldn't understand why it was widely accepted as the norm to stare at a phone screen every second one was given free time.

Okay, sure, there were some very helpful things you could do with technology, but how, exactly, was making a collection of memes going to help you later in life? Oh, wait. It wasn't going to. So why even spend your time doing something like that, something that wasn't worthwhile?

Fleeting pleasure, I thought. It's fun in the moment, and when you can't visualize where you want to be in the future, you don't see why you shouldn't be spending your time doing anything else. Besides, if everyone's doing it, apparently it's fine.

I was startled out of my thoughts by the second period bell ringing. I pushed my chair in, grabbed my backpack, and glanced once at the piece of paper I held. I had sketched a random spiral.

An accurate statement of my life right now, I thought, Spiraling out of my control.

I crumpled up the paper and threw it towards the trash can a few feet away. To my surprise, the paper actually landed inside the trash.

Good, I thought.

I didn't feel like summoning the energy to bend over, pick it up off the floor, where I had expected it to land, and place it in the trash. That, and I didn't trust myself not to fall over in the process.

That reminds me, Gym's next period, I thought. And today we're supposed to be doing the mile run. It'll be even worse than usual!

But, I reminded myself, it was nearing winter. Maybe the gym teacher, Coach Sterling, would reschedule it due to the cold?

Yeah, and maybe I'll start reading romance novels instead of fantasy novels, I thought. Let's face it, neither of those things will ever happen.

"Go change quickly, girls! Today we're doing the mile run!" Coach Sterling barked as I entered the gym with several other of my classmates.