Book 1: She's A Little Runaway (Izzy Stradlin)

Thirty

● Izzy ●

I think there’s something wrong with Reyna. On the outside, she seems to be perfectly fine. Not even Stevie senses anything out of place. However, when I cuddle up close to her as close as possible on the tiny bunks we were given, she seems almost scared. Like she doesn’t want me touching her.

Most nights she breaks out in sweat and runs to the bathroom. I can only guess that she was puking that day’s dinner up.

It’s been a month since the first time her sickness started to show. I didn’t think much of it. The only explanation had been withdrawals. However, I made it a point to go to every library in each city we stopped in to try and find more information on it. She should’ve stopped being sick by now. In fact, she should be feeling better than she has in years. That just isn’t the case for her.

I can’t help but wonder if she might have something else wrong with her. More serious than just drug withdrawals. 

She’s been eating less and less as the days wear on. Her once vibrant eyes have turned almost colorless. Her clothes seem to be looser. Even the shirts that were too small for her in the first place. She has no energy. She’s stopped hanging out with us backstage after the show. I come back to the bus and she is passed out like she hasn’t slept in days.

The sickness comes in waves. Sometimes they’ll be spaced out through days, and others they’ll be nearly constant. This is all regardless of if she ate or not.

For a little while, I let this small hope jump inside my heart. Maybe she was pregnant and the throwing up was just morning sickness. But after I saw her weight loss and how her physical appearance changed, I quickly smashed that thought. When women are pregnant, they don’t look like they’re near death.

I’ve brought up going to the doctor several times with her. She just won’t have any of it. She says that she’ll just hold up the tour and that she really does feel fine. I know that’s not true. 

I know practically everything about that beautiful woman at this point. How when she’s thinking she’ll knit her eyebrows together, looking like the meanest woman to ever live. How when we go shopping she’ll mouth what she needs to herself as she goes through her mental checklist. How when she’s uncomfortable she begins to put on her best fake smile. If I wasn’t so in love with her, I probably would have thought the smile was genuine. Even Stevie falls for it.

My point is, there is something wrong and I just can’t figure out what. I want to before it’s too late. Before something becomes seriously wrong and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop it. It would break my heart to lose her. I love her way too much. 

I’ve already started making a plan on how to trick her into going to the hospital. It’s childish, I know, but I just have to make sure that she’s alright. 

I smile a little as I see her in the seats during soundcheck. She has the first genuine grin on her that I’ve seen in a long time. It hurts my heart that she’s been so miserable.