In Memory of You

Blank

What i was before you. What i am after you. I'm not quite sure anymore. I don't really know what i am becoming, who i am becoming. I think i've lost sense after i met you. After you left. Life should be about creating yourself, not finding yourself. It isn't written in the stars, it isn't destined, who we're meant to become. We create who we are. But what am i to become? After you betrayed me?

And i am lost. I've been drifting, away from everyone...
And it's my fault...

I'm here. I'm not happy. I'm not sad. I'm just existing. I'm only living to survive. I've lost purpose, my purpose. This time last year. Things weren't so great for us. It was falling apart. This time last year, was the first time i ever got shattered. Truly and immensely shattered. I was a new born frantically gasping for air. The kind of ones abandoned by their mother, I guess that's why this is happening to me right now. The feelings of last year. They're recurring. I live in the past. I live in the future. I don't really know what the present is like anymore. I think i knew what it was. I don't really remember anymore. I reminisce moments of the past, very sharply. I work for the future. The present is all about the future, and the bittersweet past..

I should be the one to blame, for letting this happen to me. For allowing the heartbreak to take over my life, for allowing it to destroy me. It's all my fault. I lost my control and it consumed me. My life.

I watch everyone, helplessly. Friends, family, carrying on happily with their lives. Finding new friends, new experiences, making new memories. And here i am, lost. Unable to move from memories of the past. Memories of you. No. I can't forget you. I want to forget you. I clench my head, tap at it aggressively, shake it, as if the thoughts of you would come streaming, gushing out. But no. No. I can't take it anymore. I can't take it. I need help. Because i've lost Myself. It's all empty, i consist of emptiness. Of nothingness. I feel so lost...

I want to bid adieu