The Pensieve

Proper Goodbye

Takes place after Sirius fly's off the roof with Buckbeak but before the next day starts.

HPHPHPHP

Sirius was leaning moodily against the wall, glaring with far too much hatred at the blank wooden panels closing them inside. The look may have something more to do with all the things flying through his mind then the actual scenery though.

He had that hippogriff tied up outside in the Forest, Merlin knows if it was smart enough to even get free by the time be got back out there. He really shouldn't have come in here at all, but upon seeing Remus passed out in the forest he'd hardly been able to just keep going. So he'd scooped him up and come back through the Willow, insisting he was just going to drop him off in an actual bed before he scarpered. Then he had turned to leave, and his throat had nearly swollen shut when he realized what he was trying to do. After everything he'd put him through, Remus deserved at least a proper goodbye from him!

So, here he was, left stewing in a mass of memories but unwilling to leave quite yet either. When Remus finally did stir, Sirius was all for calling out 'bye' and slipping out the door, but then he saw how startled his old friend looked upon seeing his shadow. Releasing a huffy sigh he stepped forward so that he was more visible and chided, "come now, I shouldn't scare you that much, Merlin this should be routine to you."

Then he winced when he realized how long it had been since he'd really been in here, how hollow those words probably sounded to someone who'd been waking up alone for how many years now?

The shock had clearly worn off, and Remus had stumbled to his feet and without any preamble grabbed up Sirius and was now clinging to him in a hug. Sirius considered for a moment saying something out loud, a more proper apology seemed to be in order, but again the words jammed up in his throat and he just took in the silence with a peacefulness he'd nearly forgotten.

After a beat more, Remus whispered, "Sirius?" just to be sure it was him it seemed.

"Glad you can still talk, I would have really missed that." He snorted, meeting his eyes with far more ease than he thought he ever could.

The shock was beginning to wear off, last night's events still hadn't truly sunken in, but there was one thing Remus knew he must do that he'd never be able to fully and properly say, "I'm sorry. Sirius I'm so sorry, I should have-"

"Don't," he sighed, finally turning away and glaring at the boarded up window instead. Remus felt his jaw snap shut, couldn't stop the tears from stinging in his eyes. When he'd embraced Sirius last night, he'd felt whole and complete again for the first time in years. Now he realized he may have thought to soon, hoped to much, because Sirius clearly wasn't in the forgiving mood- "I think I should be apologizing first don't you. Really should have used my head a bit more and come talk to you before last night, or something-"

He kept talking then, and this was so far beyond the opposite of what Remus had been thinking he couldn't help the hysterical laugh that bubbled out of himself.

Sirius did cut himself off with a scowl then, glaring balefully at Remus as he demanded, "would you quit acting like an idiot for five seconds. I've not got much time and I've been thinking on this for a long bloody time so let me get it off my chest you-"

"Not much time, what do you mean?" He cut off, leaning forward in sudden concern, even grabbing a fistful of the material around his arm to anchor him right where he was. "Sirius, you don't have to go anywhere, I'm not mad at you. Merlin give me five seconds and I'll be groveling for you to forgive me-"

"Remus listen," he cut off again with a long suffering sigh, reaching over and patting his hand absently. "It's not because of you, I'd sit around all day and listen to anyone talk but my own head for a change, but I've got to get before someone does a full sweep of the grounds, including this place, and you need time to scratch up an alibi or something-"

"Padfoot, stop!" Remus cried when his more polite attempts still didn't get him to shut up.

Sirius' mouth did indeed snap shut at the sound of his old nickname, and Remus was almost disturbed to see tears stinging at the corner of his eyes as he whispered, "been a long time since someone called me that," but Remus didn't really let him finish before he continued almost as loud, "why couldn't you be caught on the grounds? Surely they're not still going to try and arrest you now they've got him. Dumbledore shouldn't let them hold you in contempt until the whole mess gets straightened..." he trailed off by himself now, words failing him as Sirius continued to sink lower into himself.

While Sirius had made no move to verbally stop him, the fact that a few stray tears actually managed to travel out of the corner of his eyes before he furiously brushed them away told all Remus needed. Yet he still couldn't believe it, refused to understand even as Sirius whispered, "he got away Moony. I-I'm so sorry, but I had to watch out for you, and he-" Sirius broke off then with a choking sob, pulling himself away and stomping farther across the room.

He began furiously pacing the musty floorboards, little specks of dust clouding his pathway as he absentmindedly rubbed at his side. Remus could feel his throat closing shut all over again as the last few conscious moments came back to him. He almost couldn't spit out the words, "did-did I bite-"

"No," Sirius snapped instantly, spinning on the spot and raising his hands up in a calming gesture at once. "No," he repeated again in a much kinder word when he saw Remus rubbing his ears at the previous volume. "I stopped you Remus, just like I always promised I would, no one got hurt. It's just, as I was keeping you distracted-"

"Taking a few blows," he hissed as he now understood why Sirius might be in his own physical pain.

Sirius brushed that off without any concern as he continued, "and then you made a run for it into the forest and I tried, Remus I swear I tried to get him, but then the dementors showed up-"

"Dementors!" Remus yelled, pitching his own volume into screaming levels this time, which Sirius still studiously ignored as he pressed on with his tale, "well, long story short because even I didn't get all of the details, I've got to get out of here. I'm truly sorry Remus, and I promise I won't bother you again, I just had to know you knew how sorry I was before I-"

This time Sirius clapped his own mouth in shock as Remus stumbled forward, and grabbed Sirius up in a hug. "Where on earth do you think you're going that I'm not following?"

Sirius could feel his eyes screwing up in a sudden swirl of every pent up emotion he seemed to have ever had. Regret, and loss mixed in with warmth and acceptance. That still didn't stop him from grabbing his shoulders and roughly pulling him back, snapping, "now you stop that you idiot. You know damned well you can't go on the run with me, someone's got to stay and look out for Harry after all."

He saw Remus pale and take an automatic step back, that alone seemed to have done its job and Remus nodded in assent, but it still didn't stop the fight he was so clearly against. "Why do you have to run for it at all? Go underground, hide out here on the grounds like I know damned well you've been doing all year. Merlin, come stay at my place even, I swear Sirius, I swear on my life no one's going to drag you out of there-"

"Stop it Remus," Sirius sighed, pushing a hand through his hair, then frowning in agitation as it snagged in his abundance of tangles. He took a few moments to swallow hard before admitting, "truth is, I need to get out of here for a while. I don't honestly think I can stand hiding out around here, too many memories, but it's not because of you. Really, I'm honestly faint at the idea of still being alone, but I promise you, this isn't really goodbye. We'll meet up again."

Remus hesitated again, he looked dearly like he wanted to argue the point, fight to keep him as near in his life as he could manage, but after assessing him for a few more moments he gave in and nodded, accepting for now Sirius may truly just want to run as fast as he could and not look back.