Desiring You

Chapter 29

Miley

I stared at the woman sitting in front of me waiting for me to reply. 'How do you feel' she asked me. I borrowed some minutes to think about my own feelings.
It was sadistically funny to realise how unknown I was to my own feelings.

"I feel... Scared most of the time."

"Scared? From whom or what?" Laddering technique, was what she was using. She informed that this technique would help me find my 'core belief'.

"The nightmares... When they come back, I just feel awful and miserable."

"Why?"

"Because they remind me of my father a-and" my lips quivered before continuing "that day."

"What happens when you think of that day?"

"I feel guilty."

"You feel guilty. Why do you feel guilty?"

These all were stupid questions. She knew everything... Everything I did. All the mistakes but still she was pretending.

"Because you know, it was because of me that day dad committed suicide. "

"He never said that-"

"But it could be because of me."

"Okay,what if it was actually because of you? Then what? How will you feel?"

"I will feel like I shouldn't have existed. I was the reason things didn't go as planned."

"What were the things which didn't go according to plans?"

"I don't know, mom's happiness? She would have been happy without me, dad would be ali-alive."

"That is your core belief. You think you are worthless, you wish you never existed which isn't true." She looked for my reaction but didn't get one, so she continued. "Tell me what do you think would have happened if you didn't exist?"

"My parents would have lived a happy life. Grandpa and nana would be happy not stressed because of me." I thought more and added "Aiden wouldn't have to deal with me."

"So you think, you're trouble."

I nodded my head, listening to the accurate definition of my existence.

She smiled at me and then said "which means people would probably avoid trouble, right?"

I nodded again.

"Let's do an excercise this week and then tell me the results of it. Do you have any other friend except Aiden?"

I thought about Cole instantly when the word friend came out of her mouth. Telling her about him she replied, "so let's do this. Don't contact Cole for the whole week and wait for him to contact you first. Observe how many times will he contact you. If you think you're trouble for others then he would probably not contact you but if he thinks of you as a friend then he will. Can you do this?"

I absorbed all the information she gave me. Would he contact me? I had doubts but decided to try it. Nodding, I saw her smile.

"Miley,if you are trouble then I guess the man outside my office who is going to break this door in another minute loves to handle trouble" she laughed. "You can leave and call him in."

Making a bee line to the door, I opened it. His neck turned to me within a nanosecond and his eyes observed me from head to toe.

"She's calling you in" I mumbled and he went in with a notebook in his hand and the door closed. I sat on the bench kept outside of her office. I looked at other people, they looked worse than me. One looked thin and week due to starvation. Did he go through something worse than me? I doubted about my feelings. Was I overreacting? Maybe he went through hell unlike me who was whining around like a child. People would hate me for this, I was the reason dad died and now I was playing the victim's role. I shouldn't bother anyo- The door opened and a smiling Aiden held my hand and led me outside with him.