Pain - A TommyInnit Angst

Chapter 32

'I want to die, Wil.' It was barely a whisper but Wilbur heard nonetheless and he froze, trying to act calm. He had been preparing breakfast for Tommy and slowly laid down the bread he was slicing up onto the counter before slowly walking over to the boy and sitting down next to him.

'Wanna talk about it?' He asked softly.

Tommy sighed. 'I'm so scared. I'm so, so scared and I don't think I'm ever going to get over this. I can't live like this. I want to die.'

Wilbur inhaled deeply. 'Toms, you're already improving since you've been home. You let me hug you last night, remember? That was a big step.'

'I was still scared.'

'But you got through it, just like you're going to get through the rest of this.'

Tommy turned to face Wilbur. 'But what if I don't, Wil? What if I don't, and I just have to sit here for the rest of my life feeling fucking terrified, having a panic attack from hearing goddamn footsteps, constantly thinking that everyone I see is going to try and kill me?'

Wilbur sat there, silent.

'Exactly.' Tommy continued. 'I want to die.'

'P-please don't...' Wilbur whispered, 'Tommy, that last week when I thought you had been killed, I... I was considering doing some bad stuff too. You mean the world to me Toms, I truly consider you as m-my little brother and... and I don't know if I could keep going if something happened to you.'

'I'm sorry.' Tommy whispered, 'If I'd... If I had just managed to keep my parents a secret then- then you wouldn't have to deal with me, and you wouldn't be-'

'Tommy, this isn't about me.' Wilbur cut him off. 'My point was that you are so fucking loved and I'm so glad you're in my life and I care about you.'

'But why?' Tommy's voice cracked with emotion.

'Because you're amazing, Toms. And I know you don't feel like it and I know you're not going to believe me, but you are. You just need to hold on because this will pass. It's gonna be fucking difficult and I'm not gonna sugar-coat that, but it's gonna pass, and you're going to get better.'

Tommy just nodded and stared down at the table; as Wilbur had expected, he could tell that the boy didn't believe him one bit.

• • •

Wilbur found himself constantly terrified that Tommy would hurt himself in some way. He made sure that he didn't let the boy out of his sight, and would talk to him from outside the bathroom door whenever he was in there to make sure he couldn't hurt himself behind the locked door. As Wilbur had predicted, Tommy's mood had improved a bit although he was still extremely nervous and jumpy around everything and everyone. Tommy would occasionally nap and it was only at these times that Wilbur would leave him alone, and he would use this time to search the house for sharps and other things that Tommy could use to hurt himself.

Tommy had been self-harming a lot using his fingernails and by pulling out his hair, mostly during and after panic attacks. This only heightened Wilbur's worries, as he knew that if the boy got hold of anything sharp he would do a dangerous amount of damage to himself.

Wilbur had just finished searching the house for sharps, having left Tommy napping on the sofa, and as he walked downstairs he tried to think of things they could do together to pass the time that wouldn't involve leaving the house. He thought that perhaps Minecraft would be a good place to start, although he knew that Tommy was nowhere near ready to start streaming or recording videos again. He decided to pitch his ideas to Tommy.

The sofa.

Why was it empty?

Wilbur's heart jumped into his mouth and he began calling Tommy's name frantically. He ran to the bathroom, sure that the boy would be there.

He wasn't.

Wilbur began to hyperventilate as he tore around the house, desperately crying out Tommy's name, praying for an answer as to where he was.

And he got one.

A note had been left on the table.

A note from Tommy.

Wilbur's mind was racing, his heart pounding. He shakily lifted up the sheet of paper, praying that this was some kind of sick joke because surely this wasn't really happening?

He read the first line before dropping the paper onto the floor, grabbing his car keys and sprinting out of the door.

A/N: Hello everyone! Thank you for reading, I hope you're all having a great day/night and remember to vote or Donald Trump will hunt you down xx