Immortal Chocolate (a vampire novel)

Part 1

Immortal Chocolate

© 2015 Natasha House

All rights reserved. This book contains material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited.

Chapter 1

“A dozen dark chocolates with raspberry filling, is that all, sir?” I stood behind the counter, a smile plastered on my face, clenching my other hand under the counter. This guy was starting to piss me off. He’d been trying to pull a name and number out of me for the last twenty minutes. I think he saw my fingers reach for my phone to call the cops on him, so he finally caved and ordered a dozen chocolates.  

“You sure I can’t have a kiss to top it off?” the man said, a crude laugh coming out of his lips.

“That’s a price you’ll never be able to afford, love,” I said with a practiced giggle. Dang vampire hormones drive humans mad. Unfortunately their smell does the same for me. This guy had no idea what the cost of a kiss would be for him—if I slip up, I don’t think I could stop myself from some kind of an ‘accident’. Though, this guy’s blood smelled like someone took a dump in it, so he was an easy one to turn away from. Plus, if I ate all my customers Sweet Bites would quickly close, I’d be out of my fake job, and have to live in a hole somewhere and turn into one of those brooding vampire types. I can’t stand those types—they make me vomit a little in my mouth every time I think of them.

I’ve been hit on, a lot over the years by humans and vampires alike. The guys I know, who are of the vampire nature, don’t interest me at all, they try the deeply tortured stories, about how they can’t help eating people, that they feel so guilty about the pain they’ve caused, blah, blah, blach…gag me. They think it’s enticing, where I just find it down right annoying.

Pretty sure I don’t have a serious bone in my entire body. When you’ve been twenty-two for a hundred years you learn to lighten the mood. All those brooding sexy vampires, who despise themselves, or are so sexy that every mortal woman throws themselves at them, can find a short cliff to walk off for all I care.

I’ve learned that you gotta joke with people, or you’ll wanna eat them. Believe me it works. My customers at Sweet Bites—yes, I know Sweet Bites it fits me right? Cause I’m a vampire. God you people are slow. Anyways, like I was saying, my customers at Sweet Bites are always telling me that I have the best sweets in town. I sell all kinds of stuff: chocolate, cupcakes, pies, donuts, and coffee. Mr. Sexy here, who wouldn’t leave me alone, was bringing out every thought of turning back into that eat and run type of vampire. Multiple gangs, groups, covens, whatever they are calling themselves now-a-days, have tried to tempt me to join their little pack, but I swear, vampire hormones get on my nerves. They are like ninety-nine percent emotional basket cases and that random one percent is just plain living in a cave or something. So, I run a sweet shop and try to be a normal person, or thing or, whatever a vampire actually is, and just live, or…breathe…wait…I do neither.

“So…no number, sweet cheeks?” the man asked, trying his best to charm me. If this was charm, then this guy had his work cut out for him. He couldn’t charm a dead dog if he tried. In fact, I have a dead dog named Kitty, and she would not be impressed at all. She’d simply pee on his leg, if she could pee that is. Being dead, she doesn’t do much normal dog behavior. Why did I name my dog Kitty? Cause I want to mess with people. To everyone else Kitty looks like a normal Komondor or what I like to call a ‘mop dog’. You know the kind that seriously looks like a mop. I found Kitty on her last leg, fed her some of my venom, and wa-lah, vampire dog. She was too weird looking to let die like that.

Plus everyone who knows me says that I don’t socialize enough, so I got a dog. Kitty keeps annoying vampires away. Please, join our clan, you’re so hot…please. God, they are annoying.

“Hi, Iva, you’re looking fine,” a man said with a smile, tossing his briefcase up on my clean counter. What was this annoy Iva day? He is the second most annoying customer I have that comes in on a regular basis.

“What can I get you?” I asked, keeping that sickening sweet tone, which makes me want to vomit, in my voice.

“You, baby cakes.” He ran a finger down his lip, like somehow playing with his lips was sexy. This guy was a henchman, if you will, to another guy, who was the one vampire who’s been trying to date me for over eighty years. He’s either the most persistent guy in the world, or just the dumbest. I prefer the latter, since most vampires are ruled by the passions that float through their thick skulls.

“Can you just not be you for today? Please? What does Claud want? I’m not playing this game; I have a giant order to fill.”

“Oh, you know you can fill it in a few minutes,” Herbert said. At least I think that’s his name. I’ve known way too many of these henchmen of Claud’s to get their names straight.

“Just because I can move fast, doesn’t mean my ovens can move at the speed of light,” I said, shaking my head. The logic of most vampires was like a bag of rocks, or worse, I've known some pretty smart rocks.

“Oh, yeah,” he said, and gave me one of his annoying grins. “Claud wants to take you to dinner tonight at seven. Be there.”

“I’d rather eat wood.” I raised one eyebrow and knocked on my wood countertop.

“Come on, Iva, I’m sick of him biting me,” Herbert whined, leaning.

“Get your grubby hands off my counter and get out.” A growl escaped my lips and my irises began to crackle with red.

“Hot one, whew,” Herbert said with a laugh. “Look at those eyes, no wonder Claud wants you.”

   “I will never ever be Claud’s, if he sends you here again, I’m going to snap something off that won’t grow back.” I felt heat rise through my body, and I knew I needed to calm down, or I was going to go all nutso in a minute.