Regardless

Chapter 2: Destruction and Intrigue .

 •||TRIGGER WARNING- SELF  HARM||•

*The song is more so for the beginning of the chapter.*

It was Friday morning, 7:05 am to be exact. I got off my bed to look for my music box in my mess of a bedroom.

I was happier than I've been in a long time as someone is checking for me. Jahseh and I have been having basic conversations all week. He checks up on me during the day and asks me how it went every night. He's also always calling me beautiful, which is something I never really heard.

I have been smiling all week. I think I'm already getting attached and NOTHING is going on between us as yet.

I decided that I'll spend all day getting ready for my date tonight... Or maybe I don't want to go to school and used that as an excuse.

"Bitch....you stay home at least 2 times a week, EVERY WEEK. Tell these people the truth!" And there she is.

I'm anxious as hell for tonight though. At the thought, chest began clenching and my stomach twisted into a knot just thinking about it. I don't even know if he still wants to go with me. What if it's a prank? What if he's friends with the guys from school? I mean they say mean shit all the time right...Well some of them. I should cancel. I'm too fat for him either way. And he won't like me.

"Don't do this to yourself. Please don't forget that you are worth it...Please breathe."

My heart began to palpitate. I felt as if my insides were folding and tears began to run down my cheeks. My knees buckled under me as I fell to the ground. My breathing was shallow as I crept slowly towards my desk, flinging the draw out of its place out don't the floor before me. Desperately shuffling through it, I found my blade. "Don't", I heard faintly but ignored it, slicing my wrist. The air slowly but surely make its way back to my lungs as the blood oozed out the fresh wound. "Fine!" Jasmine exclaimed leaving me in somewhat silence. Too much silence. It's almost deafening.

Looking down at my wrist, the stinging sensation was slowly disappearing as more blood flowed down my wrist and seeped into my fluffy white carpet.

Jasmine will be back in a few hours. She protects me...or she tries but she doesn't get that when the people in my head are fighting or when my brain starts to over-process everything...she becomes hard to hold on to also. It's like she's the positive or as positive as it gets and everything else around me is polluted. She's been with me since I was 7. My mother figured I used to talk to myself a whole lot because I was always alone but I was speaking to her.

Well out loud until she hired her male, teenage cousin to babysit me or just keep me company because she trusted him. He took my purity and left me a zombie at the tender age of 13. I'll never forgive him.

For years he touched me and 'trained' me for him. In the same house, my mother worked in, just a level up. And after he raped me one time, he told me I was worthless and that I would never amount to anything but a fat whore. He also moved out that day.

He truly broke me. He stripped my soul. I felt empty. I begged and prayed to God that my mother or father would figure it out. I hoped that they would catch him in the act during one of his 'training sessions'. I prayed that I would die or that he would die so I would have to deal with it. My parents never figured it out. Even after I started to shy away from my father when I saw him, they just thought I started dating and my mother beat me till I was blue. She said it was not the time for that but she never asked me a single question. I don't know how she thought that considering on the days that I was a 'good girl, the only place I got to go to after my homeschooling sessions was the park. He encouraged my mother to take me out of school, stating that'd be better for me but it was just so I'd always be near him.