TripleEz is Coming

Pringle Appreciation Week/Duck seizure/Seventy iPad airs/This is my life

Sunday

Do you remember, readers, what we mentioned when we had barely begun this announcements page? Do you recall when the potatoes and everything made of potato decided that the time was ripe for rebellion? And I am certain that you have near perfect memory of TripleEz, in their supremely malevolent power, turning every single of the revolutionaries into undead, slowly rotting, always hungry… potatoes. Oh, and we think – and we aren’t one hundred percent on this – that TripleEz based the whole basis on the human legend of ‘zombies’ or something. I’m no expert on earthlingology.

So we have decided to remember those brave chips and crisps by declaring this the week of the most important potato product of them all: the Pringle. If you read this and genuinely care about… potatoes… then just, you know, find some way of appreciating them, I guess. I don’t know! This isn’t exactly my strong point – I spend most of my time doing quite the opposite, to be honest.

Seriously, though, Pringle appreciation week. That is the definition of pathetic! What have those ridiculous roots ever done for you lot on your stupid little base? Do an Ez appreciation week or something, OK! I’ve stuck around through a whole lot of pointless… nothing… and I really deserve a bit more than ‘Pringle appreciation week’. If anyone wants me I’ll be in Ezila’s prison cell. You know, she’s not so mysterious when you get to know her! I’m the ‘mysterious’ one – nobody knows me! Apart from me, that is.

Matty has been invited to be part of the higher council because I haven’t mentioned her in a while and she’s pretty important. She has, obviously, accepted. I can see why – the leave is far longer and the position of power when we have control of that stupid planet far greater. She is, for the moment, the only member of the inner circle as everything else is off doing ‘important’ stuff.

I have been just been handed a post-it by Matty. It looks like it was once green but it is now badly charred around the edges. There is some writing on it but it looks like it was burned on by some small and carefully controlled flame. It’s in some language that even I can’t understand so I just sent Matty to get the toaster with the pink tack on it. If anything can translate this then it can.

And here it comes. I can’t see Matty but the pink tack is slowly levitating down the corridor towards me. I didn’t know that it had mastered the art of levitation but I suppose that I shouldn’t be all that surprised.

It’s hovering over the post it note now and now it is whispering into my external aural sensory system. I am moving my metal head up and down in order to indicate agreement and it is floating away. Readers – I might need to go. Unfortunately I cannot tell you what it told me but rest assured that this will all be cleared up. I suppose that I can tell you what language it was written in – Pringlese. The language of the Pringle. Hopefully you never need to know what I now… know but if you do happen to find out then be careful. That information could probably cause another genocide which would be kind of awkward. Just stay safe, reader. Don’t let what you must never, ever, ever find out sit heavy on your mind.

Good luck. You will probably need it. For the record – I believe not just in us on this base, not just in myself but in all of you out there who read these words and let yourself be reassured by the knowledge that there is a vast army of robots who exist only to protect their galaxy and conquer the Earth.

Hail the Robocalypse!

ZiziTheRobot

Monday

Um – bad news readers. Our latest eye-cam experiment, who has been named Sparkly Pink Sparkles by Fifi, is convulsing on the floor. Yes, I’m in the science block for the first time in my existence. It all looks very inaccessibly… scientific. I’m very confused. Fifi, who deserves numerous congratulations on her new appointment as first scientific helper, has been helping me out a bit but I don’t think that she really gets this stuff that much either.