spite || levi x reader

3 - 2 (nsfw)

"I wouldn't say it's pointless," Erwin replies thoughtfully. He glances at the window. "Everyone deserves to find their own bits of happiness, no matter who they should find them in or how brief they may be." He stares at the outside for a bit longer before turning back to Levi, and as Erwin always does, he understands the real question Levi's trying to ask. "Levi, are you asking me if I think the two of you are a bad idea?"

Yes, that's exactly what he's asking.

When Levi doesn't reply, Erwin gets his answer. The commander chuckles. "Levi, do you regret anything you've done for her?"

"No," he replies without hesitation. "But that's not what I-"

"I'm surprised, Levi. I thought you had more faith in-"

"Fuck off, Erwin," Levi snaps. "You know exactly what I mean."

"Yes, I do." Erwin's fingers rise to comb the facial hair that's been growing on his face while he's been passed out, and his eyebrows narrow at Levi. "I've told you about Marie," he says. "So yes, I know exactly what you mean."

Marie. That was a piece of information that Erwin had only trusted Levi with about a year ago: the woman he'd been in love with before joining the scouts. The one he'd left because he chose to pursue titans, choosing the Survey Corps over her. Levi had never met the woman, but anyone that could have Erwin completely enamored was obviously not one to be trifled with.

"If she was in the scouts," Levi asks, "would you still be together?"

Erwin's hand drops into his lap. The silence that follows is thick with tension, until Erwin says, "I suppose we'll never know."

Levi grinds his teeth together. This isn't helpful at all. "Fine," he says shortly, turning back for the door. This time, he grabs the handle.

"Levi," Erwin calls.

His hand freezes. He doesn't turn around.

"If you're asking me to tell you it's a bad idea, or tell you to call it off for whatever reasons you've concocted in your head, I won't," Erwin says, and Levi finally turns around, glaring hard at his commander. "Because it's obvious to anyone with eyes that she's as infatuated with you as you are with her. Plus, you've been considerably more reasonable ever since I started sending you to see her."

His sharp reply is posed on his tongue, ready to go. Levi doesn't say it.

"And it's clear she makes you happy, Levi," he finishes, his expression softening. "Whether you believe it or not, you're allowed to be happy. You don't have to see your happiness as a reason to be on guard."

Erwin's wrong about that one- he should. He definitely should. Anytime he's ever been slightly happy, the world flips upside down. Levi can't remember ever being this happy, so the eventual slump that he's sure will follow is going to be painful. Besides, he doesn't feel like he deserves it. It'd be like discrediting the memories of Isabel and Farlan, and all those that have gone before him. Happiness is a luxury, and he shouldn't be allowed such a thing until the job's done. If the job's ever done.

"Happiness isn't exclusive to specific circumstances," Erwin adds. "There's no requirements to be met."

It sure as hell feels like there is. "I know," Levi lies.

The commander sighs, and Levi knows he doesn't believe him. God, he hates Erwin sometimes. "Get going," Erwin orders, nodding towards the door that Levi's standing at. "There's a mission at hand, but there's no reason you can't steal the moments that you can get. I trust that you know when those moments are."

He does, and he treasures them. Any moment he can spend with you is easily worth it.

"You're useless," Levi deadpans.