Joel Hokka / Blind Channel - ENEMIES WITH BENEFITS (English)

15 - a whole gigantic mess

"Joel did what? And you just let it happen? Have you even listened to anything I told you?!" Joonas hissed and I could sense that he was having a hard time keeping his voice down. To be honest I completly understood why he was so upset with me. He had warned me about the man with the long blonde hair but I had recklessly ignored his advice and now found myself in serious trouble before I could even realize it.

"I know that it was stupid of me okay?! But what was I supposed to do?" I hissed back while slowly starting to panic inside. I thought that maybe telling Joonas would bring me at least some kind of relief but I had just made everything even worse.

"What's going on with you guys?" Joonas and I hadn't even noticed that the other guys had entered the room again but when the air was filled with Niko's loud voice we both winced. "Nothing. I need to go to the bathroom." I briefly said and started to walk away from the guys with quick steps while the panic inside me grew more and more with every second that passed. I had to get out of there or I would simply go insane.

I didn't show it but in this moment I just wanted to cave in or disappear forever.

I stormed through the hallway of the studio right into the bathrooms where I had to hold onto one of the sinks to not collapse under the trembling motion my body was under now. Every part of my body started to shake and the tears started to run down my face uncontrollably because I had tried to hold them back for the past couple minutes.

I forced myself to take deep breaths, focusing on the feeling of my lungs slowly being filled with air. "Don't panic. You're fine. Everything is alright." I bend down to cover my skin in drops of cold, pleasant water, that however couldn't wash away the signs of last night on my face. At least it calmed me down. I took one more deep breath before I turned off the water and slowly lifted my head again.

To my surprise, I saw a tall man standing behind me in the mirror that most definitely hadn't been standing there before.

"Joel." I gasped and turned around, quickly trying to hide the remains of tears that I feared the water hadn't washed away completely. I didn't want him to see me like that. I felt so weak, so powerless.
"Do you know how miserable you look?" He was showing no sign of emotion, just the same mocking tone of voice as always. At least that man was predictable. "I don't only look miserable, I also feel miserable. Especially when I see you." I mumbled and looked right into his deep blue eyes that once again captivated although I tried to fight against it.

"I've heard worse things about me coming out of your mouth. That pretty little mouth that always gets you in trouble." The older one uttered in a dangerously low voice and slowly walked towards me.

Why was it that everytime he stood infront of me I completly dismissed my morality and principles? It felt like I was completely weak-willed when I was with him, like he had control over every single thought I was thinking, every single feeling I was experiencing as soon as he entered the room. His rough voice already was enough to make me feel weak in my knees and I was sure he was exactly aware of that.

"Joel, please don't." I put my hand on his chest, stopping the man from getting closer to me than he already was and I meant that in every way possible. I didn't have the strength to do this right now. Not with everything that was going on, not after I saw how much I truly made Aleksi suffer.

"Oh so now you're having second thoughts? It's a little too late for that, don't you think?" It took every ounce of will I had left to not let the blonde one get close, to not just give in again.

My body was screaming at me, so desperate I was to feel his touch but at the same time my mind was fried by the thought of what would happen if I admitted to myself that I wanted him.