Be My Dreamcatcher [girlxgirl]

Epilogue

A/n: watch the clip from 3:20 for a little context, watch it completely for greater context plus a little laugh maybe. don't watch at all for zero context.
also, this part is filled with many of my favorite pop references (Easter eggs). let's see how many you can find.
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"Wait, what the hell did she do that seemed sexual to him?" I half scream at Eva's laptop screen.

She just sighs, familiar with these bursts. "Can we please complete this episode first?"

We're watching the first episode of "Orange Is The New Black" in Eva's room, curled up together on her bed.

My outrage is at the scene where Piper comes into Caputo's office to ask for help and he does help her, but later, just a second after she leaves, he starts masturbating.

"But, Eva," I whine. "Like she just sat there and that aroused him? He doesn't even know her, so how can he? I mean, if I were to be aroused by a stranger, I'd at least want her to present herself sexually. Piper just stood there!"

Eva, pauses the episode and turns to me. "That's how pervs are. A woman comes in front of their eyes and their brain sees a sexual object. Doesn't matter if she's in a bikini or a potato sack."

Her mouth is in a grim line and I guess this discussion has started hitting too close to home.

"I was just making a point," I mutter, playing the episode. We settle back in next to each other but now Eva is lying against my thigh and my whole body has started doing the flippity-floppity thing again.

It's been two months since the whole Benjamin incident. Since we became "friends" again.

Which has been good for us, yes, but moments like these are pure torture. When we're tucked together on the same bed, our bodies sidling against each other in perfect synchronization. Which, let's be honest, are most of our nights.

Ever since all that happened, Eva has started seeing a therapist and laying off with drinking. So most of the nights, she stays in with me, and we either watch a lot of Netflix or just . . . talk.

I had a feeling that she'd get tired of this quiet routine soon enough but she says it has been really good for her.

However, some things do never change. She's still her flirty self which gets pretty hard for me. We've had a getting-back-together-again discussion twice now but I wasn't ready.

I've been checking my thoughts about Eva as a person and discussing them with Travis a lot lately. Surprisingly, after all shit that went down, he started liking me as a normal human—which may or may not also be because Eva and I broke up—and we've become quite good friends now.

Having a friend in this still new place feels nice. Eva doesn't count; she's pure nightmare dressed like a daydream. Every touch of her is torture because I can't ask for more.

I mean, I can ask, yes. Especially because I know what we both want. But now I don't know how to go about it.

On the other hand though, I feel like I finally see her as nothing more than a person. Which was the goal from the start.

Now when I see her crying over Lydia, I don't think of an aesthetic queen with a "troubled life". There's just a woman who lost her wife twice in three months.

When she urges me to do something radical—ranging from trying pineapple on pizza to buying Louboutins—I don't see an adventure coach. I see the woman whom I love, whom I can tell that only if I could persuade myself to speak.