Chéri || Fred Weasley

lxxix

"Your mother, your brother, your friends, your godson, the redhead?"

"They'll be better off without me anyway," she scoffed.

"I will keep the secret that you are staying here in Montpellier under one condition," mamie glared at her.

"What?"

"You will come visit me at least once a week and you will see a therapist, daughter of a witch friend of mine, she's a Squib so she studied psychology."

"A therapist? Really?"

"I know what you had to do when they took you Madeleine, you're not a sane person right now. No offense."

"I don't think I've ever been truly sane."

"Enough with the sarcasm smart mouth, but I mean it. If you don't accept to these two terms then I will write to your mother and brother that you're here."

"Fine, I'll be in my room," she turned around to leave.

"So you're never going back? Not even for the redhead?"

"I'm never going back, not even for him," she said and hurried out of the kitchen quickly to avoid any more questions.

*****

Maddie did stick to her word, visiting Mamie once a week and seeing the therapist that her grandmother contacted. A year and a half had passed since she left Fred standing in King's Cross but she still didn't feel able to move on. Just like she had said, she hid her wand and refused to use magic and lived as a muggle. She got a job as a waitress and was living in a small flat in the middle of the city with two more girls but that was better than anything else she could have found. Every day was now the same. Working from nine to five in a cafe, eating cheap food with her roomates and sitting down on her bed to write letters she would never send.

For once in her life, simplicity felt good. It felt like healing. There were times where she did miss magic but there was one thing, person more like it, who she missed in a daily basis. Besides nightmares about the war, when she did dreamed it was always him. He was the one who she truly couldn't get herself free from. It felt haunting and she did considered going back for him but there was always something stopping her so she relied in letters.

For the first year she was away, Fred still had hope she would return. He would write to her everyday and send the letters but she never responded to any of them so he gave up. A part of him tried to convince himself that she wasn't receiving the letter, that was better than thinking she was purposefully ignoring him. No matter how many dates he went on, or with how many girls he had slept since she had left, none of them couldn't compare. None of them could helo fill the voidness in his heart.

While Fred decided to sleep around trying to get Madeleine out of her head, the blonde had opted for staying as far away from men as she could. No one was him and no one could ever be him. More than plenty of guys had asked her out, but every time she refused because she couldn't bring herself to look at another man. Deep inside, she knew that Fred was the only one for her and trying to fall out of love with him hadn't worked at all. Everywhere she went, Maddie subconsciously tried looking for him even though she knew he would never be there. She was certain that he didn't have a remote idea about where she really was in.

That Thursday night was not different. After cooking and cleaning up with her roomates, Maddie locked herself in her room, taking out a piece of paper and a pen before sitting down on her bed to write to him.

Dear Red,
I was thinking about you today while I read. I really can't read Pride and Prejudice now without thinking about you. I wonder all the time if you've already found someone else. I wouldn't blame you if you did. I stand by what I said that night, I'm sorry that I can't be the one you wanted me to be. I've been doing better lately, if you're interested in knowing that. The agonizing, heart ripping pain stopped after a while, but don't get me wrong, it still hurts from time to time. I see her every time a butterfly passes by. I see her in the flowers and in the leaves of trees. I see you in the stars. Kind of silly isn't it? Talking to the stars pretending that I'm talking to you. I miss the sound of your voice. If you're feeling down, maybe you could try to think what I think about when I miss you more than usual. Just think as if it was a dream, a picture of your imagination. I was never real, maybe that will bring you some comfort. At least that's what it does for me. Seeing you in my dreams is my comfort. Is what keeps me going. I think I fell in love with you even before we were together. But in a way I don't remember when I truly fell in love with you Fred. When I felt completely and utterly consumed by you. How it happened I'm still not quite sure mon amour. Maybe it began with your bad jokes or your laugh. Or the way you run your fingers through your hair when you're frustrated. Or the way your brows and nose scrunch up together when you were focused. Or the way you passionately went on and on about your life's dream that became a reality.
I laugh at myself because no matter how hard I tried, you completely swooned me over chéri, and once I had my head under water there was no coming back up ever again. Pathetic isn't it? It's been what? A year and a half? And I'm still writing to you letters that I will never send. I still wonder how the stupid hat sorted me in Gryffindor because I lack the courage that you have an abundance of. I miss all of you. I miss your touch and your scent. I miss your warmth and even though I'm near the beach and the sun is out most of the days, I still feel cold. Was it a mistake? Was leaving you a mistake my love? I sometimes think it was. You must be better without me anyway. Without all the drama and all the burden but the selfish part of my being wants to be with you so bad and God I miss you. I miss you more than you can imagine and when the pain does become unbearable, I have to trick my mind into believing that it was a dream. That it was all a dream. Falling in love with you was the easiest thing I have ever done in my entire life. But trying to fall out of love it's tearing me apart from the inside out my love. God knows I've tried, but it's simply impossible. You are someone that one could never move on from. I love you with all of my heart. Forever and always.
Yours truly, Frenchie.