"I'm happy everything worked out for everyone. Seriously I was expecting a bigger blowout." I popped some ginger in my mouth before eating another Salmon roll. "Yeah, I wasn't sure with Tyler but things ended pretty well considering the circumstances. I'm just glad this whole mess is over with." Devon took a swig of his soda laughing into his cup.
"So when does camp start?"
I had been preparing myself to see less and less of Devon as he began training for the upcoming football season.
"Next week, and I'm kind of nervous. I have a lot riding on my performance this season. Especially with James and his football buddies coming to see me play." He toyed with the food in front of him, falling back in his seat.
"Everything is going to be fine. What do you always tell me? Don't overthink it. You're being your own worst enemy."
He laughed and returned his gaze to me.
"And what happens if I make it big huh? You promise to be my biggest fan?"
"I already am."
He smiled at me but it didn't reach his eyes.
"Summer can I ask you a serious question?" My stomach dropped as I tightened my grip on my chopsticks. "Sure, what's on your mind?" He searched my face for a few seconds before he continued, "could you see us together? Long term I mean?" His jaw tightened as his tongue poked the inside of his cheek.
"What do you mean like two years from now?"
He chuckled lightly.
"I meant forever."
Forever?
"I obviously don't know what the future holds for us, but I would be more than happy with waking up to your face for the rest of my life."
"Don't say things you don't mean."
"Why wouldn't I mean it?"
It was naive for him to think that far ahead. It was nice to imagine, but I had to be realistic.
"No one ever ends up with the first person they ever dated." I felt stupid, what was I trying to push him away?! "Let me ask you this Summer. Would you want that with me?" He was expressionless waiting for my answer.
"Devon it's not real--"
"I don't care how realistic you think it is. Is it something you would want?"
Of course it's something I would want.
"Yes."
My face burned as the word escaped my lips before I gave it proper thought. "Then why deny it? I don't care about the other girls you think I'm missing out on. I wanted you Summer, and I'm happy with you. We'll be graduating school soon, thrown into adulthood and new beginnings. I want all of that with you."
As nice as that sounded, I couldn't help but think of the worst.
"What if our jobs take us to different states? What if you make the league and have to travel all around for football? Are you prepared to make sacrifices for us?"
"I think if anyone could make it work we could. I'm not denying the fact that it would be hard, but I wouldn't give up before we tried. I love you Summer, I couldn't imagine getting everything I've ever wanted without you by my side. And if I have to make sacrifices to ensure you are, then that's what I'll do. You mean more to me than any of that."
And that's what I feared. I worried he'd put me above his own wants and needs. I couldn't be responsible for stopping him from being successful in football. So was I willing to sacrifice my dreams for his? Or could they find a way to coexist? Would he grow to hate me if they didn't? Would I grow to hate him? Could I stomach the loses, the injuries, the absence?
"What's on your mind beautiful?"
He broke me from my thought as his warm fingers stroked the back of my hand.
"I'm scared. I want nothing more for you than to get everything you've ever dreamed. But what would it do to us?" I hated myself for how incredibly selfish I sounded, but I've heard the stories. Being a football wife was a job in itself.
"Your concerns are valid and I understand. But we'd cross that bridge when we get to it. I didn't mean to make you worry but this has been on my mind for a few weeks now and I just wanted to know where your head was at."
I didn't blame him for thinking about the future. Summer was ending swiftly as July was just around the corner. This would be our last year in school before we had to start making real decisions about what we wanted to do with our lives and whether we would do them together. The possibility of him getting drafted just accelerated that timeline and it was something I wasn't prepared for.
"I love you Devon and although the future terrifies me, I would want you to be apart of mine."
He smiled brightly, his chest relaxing letting me know he had been holding his breath.
The worry was still there. Everything had been so easy for us so far, our relationship would be put to the test sooner or later and I didn't know how we'd handle it.
If we'd be able to handle it.
"Let's get out of here, I'm exhausted." He yawned before calling the waiter over to bring the check.
My heart ached as I watched him smiling and laughing with the waiter, charming everyone he met as usual. I hoped our foundation was strong enough to withstand anything life threw at us.
Hope.
It was usually disappointing, but for our sake?
I hoped we'd be different.
➳♥
END ♡
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