It takes a mere ten minutes before I'm walking back into my house. Michael's car is absent from our drive. I breathe a sigh of relief. I pull my phone out of my bag and turn it on. One message from Michael "Running late home - work is understaffed - order a takeaway. I love you x". I hit delete. He'll be angry I didn't reply, but this will give me some solidity to an excuse. I bite my bottom lip as I notice Andrew has phoned me eight times. I open the four messages text messages from him: "Still okay for tonight? Xxx" "Amelia, is everything okay? Xxx" "Amelia? Please answer me xxx" "I'm getting really worried now! This isn't like you. Please answer me. What have I done? Xxx". I curse myself for forgetting him as I call him. He answers on the first ring.
"Amelia? Is everything okay?"
I pause. How can I tell him what happened? Why I forgot to meet him? Why I didn't answer his texts?
"I felt really sick last night and fell asleep early. I'm sorry, I should have told you this morning, but my phone has been off"
He breathes a sigh of relief. I've never lied to him before. My heart literally breaks as I realise I cannot trust him enough to tell him. What kind of woman am I? Andrew looks at me with nothing but the utmost trust and I cannot even return that at a time when I need him the most. A tear falls. I would give anything to feel him hold me at this moment. To feel him kiss my forehead like he does. Can I really continue this affair, knowing just how much he loves me. I almost tell him. Almost. I question if I even love him as I think I do. Can you really love someone but be unable to tell them something so important? If you cannot call on them when you need them the most?
"How about lunch Monday? I can pick you up from work?"
"That sounds great, I'll tell Tony I won't go with him Monday then"
"I love you Amelia"
I pause briefly before returning his term of endearment. My heart always soars around him and he makes me feel safe, but is that really enough? I know I have never felt like this around anyone, nor wanted to spend my life with someone as much as I do him. For that I'm almost sure my doubt is no more than a reflection of the pain I feel both physically and emotionally.
I fake a smile, hoping it will be reflected in my voice. Because I love him, I'll have to tell him it's over Monday. I can't do this to him. He deserves so much more than I could ever give to him. I don't want to, but I don't want to hurt him either. I guess this is just the lesser of two evils. We say goodbye and hang up. The tears don't stop. Life really can be so cruel; if it wasn't, we would have met years ago. I slump on the floor and cry.
YOU ARE READING
I'm Sorry, I love you
General Fiction||In the process of editing offline|| TW: depictions of sexual assault and abuse throughout Amelia is a successful business owner, with big dreams for the future. Dreams her husband Michael does not share. As their marriage progresses, so does Mich...
