Teach Me How To Live -~Zen Wistaria x Reader~-

A Break

"Thanks, guys" I gave them a genuine smile but still felt sad.

"I do wonder how Kiki and Mitsuhide are doing thiugh" leon hummed.

"So do i" I laughed at the old memories. That charm really did help Mitsuhide out a while ago.

It took a couple hours of riding to get there. It looked exactly the same as I remembered. The key was even still hidden under the mat.

"Juniper, have you ever played chess?" Leon asked smuggly once I opened the door. I giggled at that.

"Are you challenging me?" Juniper grinned as everyone walked inside.

"I missed this.." I whispered to myself as I looked around. The first thing I did was put my bag down. "Im gonna go outside for just a minute. Don't beat each other up" I smirked to my friends.

"Yeah yeah, I'm gonna win!.." Juniper shouted and shooed me off.

I smiled as I went outside and shut the door behind me. As I looked around, my past seemed to come back to me. That tree over there is where I first saw Shirayuki sitting down against this house..

I went to that spot where I found her. Where that steep ledge was.. I sat here with her till she woke up. Then I heard zen shouting along with Mitsuhide.. When zen jumped over I caught his eyes and he fell right in front of me. Shirayuki tried to heal him then she fixed me up too.. Then I left after realizing I'd lost my voise.. I found Shirayuki and zen outside and scared them.. Then we went back and found the basket. I still can't believe my brother was so dumb. I can't believe Shirayuki ended up with obi. I can't believe I even found obi again.. im just glad he's safe and has a family again..

I sat down outside the house at the spot where I first met Shirayuki. "This place has a lot of good memories.." I mumbled to myself. "I wish Zen was back with me again.. Like when he asked me to marry him.. "I whispered to myself as I brought my knees to my chest and looked up to the moon. "Oh mom, you'd be so disappointed in me.. I ended everything you've ever wanted for me.." I whispered and couldn't help but cry. "Ill never be with him again, he even had another marriage meeting with some noble from clarines.."

I've always kept up with everything in clarines. I've known about his meeting. He has to get married sooner or later and izona is getting married just months after raji does then its zens turn!.. "i never found my old dress and I don't have my ring or his watch, I don't have anything left of him!.. I let him go so I have to stop this.." I sniffed up my tears and tried to wipe my eyes. "Why does it hurt so much though?.. I still write to him everyday.. Im so pathetic.." it's true. Every night I write a new letter to him like old times. Every month I throw the stack away. Leon and Juniper burn them for me so no one will ever be able to read them. No one will ever know I still love him.

I got up after I dried my eyes and went back inside. "What?!" Juniper shouted and groaned.

"Check mate" Leon smirked. I couldn't help giggling at this. It reminds me of Mitsuhide and Kiki..

"Ill be heading off to bed now, don't stay up too late" I giggled to them.

"Good night, Y/n. Tomorrow we'll have to play together" Juniper smiled.

"Ill hold you to it" I giggled and nodded before heading upstairs.

I remember walking up here with zen. I remember staring at that beautiful ring the whole time.. We sat down on top of the covers and passed out without doing anything else. Obi thought we'd get into some kind of trouble that night but we've never been that far together.. I wish sometimes we did. After what I did in front of zen, forcing myself to kiss another man then killing him right there, it disgusted me. I could never bring myself to look at zen in the eyes ever again.

I walked in the room with a soft sigh. The bed is still made like when we left it last time. Everything is the same.. I went to the drawers to find the old clothes we left here by accident. My old pajamas and one of zens shirts..

I pulled out his shirt from the drawer with tears pricking my eyes. I feel horrible for wanting to be with him again. It smells just like I remember him.. I decided to undress. All I wore now was his shirt.. God, I miss him so badly.. I cried and cried.. Then when I finally stopped, I went to the bathroom to take down my hair. To remove the hair stick he had given me so long ago. My hair is so long now. It's back down to my waist. I never got to cut it and I never will cut it. I can't, I promised I'd only do it if zen would be the first to see it. I splashed cold water on my face then dried off. I turned back to the room but something caught my eyes. Something shined out of no where and it took me some time to figure out what it was. I thought maybe it came from the window but no.. it was a diamond.. its my ring!

"Wh-What?" I whispered as tears filled my eyes all over again. I haven't cried in so long, it's all because of these memories that I've began getting emotional again. My ring was sitting on the window ledge. I-i don't know why I didn't see it before! I rushed to the ring he gave me. It was still as beautiful as the day I was given it. "Why would you leave this here?.." I whispered as streaming tears began burning my face. Under the ring had a small piece of paper that said, "i will always love you." I couldn't even breathe. I kept this paper and held it tight.

"Stop keeping this going!.." I cried quietly and held tight onto these two things. "When did you even come here?.." I whispered saddly.

On my thumb, I always wore the ring I made zen. Leon and Juniper know know as well but now it's my turn to leave it.. even if he never comes back. Even if he's forgotten me or moved on with someone else, I'll still finally be able to give it to him.

I set his ring down on the windowsill where mine was placed. This ring was carved from dark wood. It's smooth and glossy. In the middle is a blue line of metal. Blue to match the flower I had placed on the sword I made him and the flower matching mine. I wonder if he still has it..

Under the ring, I left my own note..

"Its October 16, midnight, my birthday. 7 months have gone by. This time we didn't send letters yet I still write to you. This will be the last you will ever find from me. I'll stop writing for good and finally let you go. I've tried for so long. Finding this ring definitely doesn't make things easier.. I wonder when you last visited.. I wonder if it was before or after that marriage meeting you had with another girl..
How dare I be jealous but I can't help it. I told you so long ago that if something happened to us, I wanted you to move on. I still want you to move on and to love with everything you have.
I hate myself everyday for everything I did to make us split apart but since I've done this, you haven't been hurt. I've gotten poisoned more than a few times again, even attacked but at least it wasn't you. At least you didn't have to take care of my mess. Even if I had the chance to go back and rewrite what I've done, I wouldn't. I guess our story will be a good fairytale one day.. Maybe I'll write it and tell it to future generations.. maybe the children would cry too..
I haven't tried to stop loving you, I've just tried to forget. It worked for a while, maybe a couple days at a time.. those were lonely days though.. I will always love you. I'll always want to hold you. I'll always want to run away back home to you.
Our time has ended though... In memory of us, take this ring. It was made for you, afterall. I worked harder on this than anything else in my entire life. I hope this ring isn't anything like what you expected. It's one of a kind and will never be recreated.
If you ever find this, I love you.

With love, Y/n Moon."

I sniffed up my tears the best I could. Tonight has been long enough, I should get some sleep..

I put on my ring and laid down. Memories kept me awake for a long time till I was so tired I passed out.. finally..