My Life Is A Mess

Part One - Welcome To My Mess

I'm freaking out. I have one week – 7 days – until I finish school. I really didn't think it'd come so fast but here it is.

I'm not ready at all to leave college yet. There's so much I've got left to do and time's not slowing down for me to get all of it done.

First thing first, all of my friends are leaving me. I mean, we'll still stay in touch but they're moving across the country or out of it completely. Olivia is moving to Aberdeen to study Marine Biology and Patrick is moving to Oxford to study Medicine - leaving me here, in our hometown, by myself. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy with the choice I made. I can't wait to study here and all that good stuff but I'm scared. These two are my best friends. I've known them for the last 7 years and been friends with them for just as long. Moving on and not seeing them every day is going to be weird. It's not even like we can just pop round to each other's accommodation either because we're going to be over 100 miles away from each other and getting there isn't gonna be cheap.

But that isn't my only problem. There's so much more. Most of them not quite as big, but there's one other big one. Probably even bigger than the whole thing about everyone moving away and maybe never seeing each other again actually. Yeah, probably.

I'm kinda in love with my best friend. Not Patrick. The other one: Olivia. Which is crazy but also very on brand for me. I don't know what it is but I have a bit of a problem with girl best friends. It's not always the case but twice now I've kinda fallen for them. The last time this happened, I made a move and it worked. We dated for a few months and then it stopped working. The whole thing broke me and I haven't really dated since. It's been nearly 4 years. But in those 4 years, I've gotten really close to Olivia and in the last 2, I've started to develop feelings. Now, this is a big, BIG problem for me because she's kinda speaking to someone already and has been for a while. So, the girl I have a crush on is not only my best friend but also is speaking to a different lad romantically... and telling me about it. It's really not looking good for me here. Everything is against me, but I just can't seem to give up. These feelings are pretty damn stubborn.

I'm sure you're wondering at this point, 'why didn't he just tell her when he first started to feel this way?' Well, good question. Valid question. I don't know. It would've made everything a lot easier. Get hurt for a bit, recover and move on, right? But I didn't do that and now I'm kinda stuck. And it sucks. I can't tell her because she's been speaking to this lad now – who's name I can't remember, even though she's told me hundreds of times – for a month or so, and, if I'm being honest, I don't really want to tell her either. I don't wanna get hurt again. I also – and this is the main reason for not telling her – don't wanna screw up our friendship. I really don't. I'd rather have her in my life as a friend and have to ignore my feelings than risk it, screw everything up and lose her.

But enough about all my love life problems, there's so much more I need to get you up to speed on. For example, Patrick, right? Yeah, he's maybe not actually going to get into Oxford to study Medicine. He's failing one of his classes and so he's enlisted me, his best friend, to help him look for another course or maybe an apprenticeship. Which is great, I love helping him but all our applications had to be submitted two months ago so I, personally, have no clue how this is going to work.

Oh, and I can't forget the ever-approaching Prom. We had one in year 11 and I wasn't awfully keen on it. I sat with my friend and we just drank J2Os until 10pm, when I left. I never understood the deal with Prom really. We stole it from America and don't do it nearly as well. But, I guess, it's a nice chance to see everyone one last time. Some people enjoy the whole dressing up part too but I couldn't care less. I'd be more than happy to just all meet up in casual wear and chat for a few hours. Actually, thinking about it, that'd be miles better. Less pressure, less stress, and so much more fun.

So, that's my life. It's a chaotic mess with a ton of problems for me to face, and big changes on their way. And now, you're a part of it too. You get to come on this ride and experience the last week of my education with me. I apologise in advance.