A date on the Eiffel Tower

Chapter nineteen:

I hug Mia Lily goodbye as I board my bus to the airport. The few days in Paris had gone by fast and I was already on my way home. As the doors squeak shut I thought I heard my name called out in the distance. The voice was deep and familiar. Someone I would recognise anywhere. It was the blonde boy I was head over heels for. Thomas.

I picked up my suitcase dragging it down the aisle as my eyes began to water at the memory of him. I couldn't let him see me like this. I shuffled passed the people and to the back seats as the bus rolled away down the street.

I spin my head around to see Thomas on the pavement sprinting behind the bus. His face was pale and his eyes were sheltered in dark bags. He ran behind us as I felt something warm fall down my face. I quickly wiped it away and stared at his distancing figure.

For a second we locked eyes before I turned away looking down. As I felt the bus slow down for the lights I turned back to him. He stopped running and stood straight up running his fingers through his soft hair, kicking rocks on the grey pavement. Then we turned around a corner and he disappeared completely.

In my hands I clutched my small woven handbag, pulling it close to me as I held my suitcase between my legs when I felt my bag vibrate against my heart. I reached inside grabbing a tissue to wipe away tears I hadn't realised were falling before I took out my phone.

Upon the screen popped up three new messages from Thomas. I fully wiped my eyes and stared down at them, the screen shaking slightly in my hands. I could feel my heart pick up it's pace and my breathing became slightly unsteady.

I didn't know if I had the strength to ignore him anymore. From the second I arrived in England he has messaged me almost everyday apologizing. Deep inside it killed me leaving him like that but I didn't know what else to do.

Thomas: when I saw you today I thought I was dreaming that you were there and that I wasn't really seeing you. I didn't know what to do but I needed to speak to you. You are probably completely sick of my messages and apologies but I need you more than you know.

Thomas: please if there is anything I can do just to make you speak to me.

Thomas: I know you saw me today, please Amber.

Do I reply? My heart was begging me to do so in every beat but my head told me everything different. I couldn't leave him on read like I had every other time. I saw what he looked like. He looked different. He looked mentally broken. I had to reply.

Me: you hurt me Thomas, more than you know. Yes I saw you but I don't know whether I can again. There isn't anything you can do that hasn't already been done.

My heart almost shattered at my message, I can't even imagine how he must feel. I didn't know whether I was lying to him or not. All I wanted was to see him and feel him next to me, to feel the happy tingles in my stomach when he touches my skin. But I honestly didn't know if I had the strength to look at him and not break down.

Thomas: I know this is selfish but I need you Amber, you were the best thing that has ever happened to me and the worst. You made me feel weak but not in a bad way, you made me feel special, like I was finally important. Just give me one chance. One more chance.

Me: I don't know Thomas.

Thomas: just one.

Me: so you can break me again?

Thomas: I never meant to hurt, I would do anything for you. Please.

Me: I can't speak to you about this right now. I just can't, I need time.

With that I powered off my phone so I didn't get anything else. I was staring down at my reflection on my black screen to see tear stains down my cheeks. Is it even possible to cry and not even know? It must be as that is exactly what I had been doing.

I raised my hand to my cheek. It felt ice cold and tear soaked. I placed my phone back in my bag and rested my head on the glass window looking out. The weather outside represented nothing of my mood, only making me feel so much worse. 

Everything emphasised my pain. People sat, couples sat, on tables sharing drinks, together, not like me, I was on my own and not with Thomas like my heart wished. Pairs in parks laughing on a checked picnic blanket staring at the sky, their hands linked together. Not like me, nothing to feel but the icy window and chilling air conditioning.

People dating, walking out of a shop only to stop and kiss each other. Interlocking their lips in sync. Opposite to me. My lips were dried and cracked from biting them hopelessly. The people made me miss the feeling of our relationship while the environment reminded me of him.

The sparkling reflection from the sun reminded me of how his eyes used to light up when he was happy and the flowers reminded me how no matter his mood he always looked good. The delicious smell of warm croissants and chocolate spread reminded me of how he always smelt nice, of aftershave and vanilla. I always thought it was an odd combination but he made it work.

After being stuck in my thoughts for so long I hadn't even realised I was on autopilot all the way to my home country. It wasn't until one of the grumpy taxi drivers had honked his horn at me that I was drawn back to reality and realised I was standing in the middle of the road.

"Get out of the road!" the man shouted, sticking his head out the window.

I quickly rushed to the side before clambering into the taxi following it. The car ride was short as usual and it wasn't long until I found myself rummaging through my freezer for some ice cream comfort food.

Honeycomb was always my favorite when I was sad. No matter how bad it was, just give me some of this and I would instantly feel better. I plopped down onto the sofa and tore the lid off the tub digging my spoon in and starting. I turned on one of my favourite television shows and stuffed my face.

But it wasn't like usual. Something was different. I felt mildly better but not like normal. Deep down I still felt shattered. Broken. Useless. Is this what a broken heart feels like? A heavy weight in my chest, constantly, pulling me deeping into my depressing ocean of sadness.

Now he wasn't here, I felt like cutting everyone out of my life. If he wasn't in it, why was everyone else? With every breath I felt like my eyes would be filled with a new pool of water and a new stinging in my chest.

I finished the tub placing it on the side before heading to my room to lay down and think truly about me and Thoms. Could I forgive him? As I was walking along the landing upstairs I heard the doorbell ring.

Who is that? Blake and dad aren't meant to be home for another two hours. I hopped down the carpeted stairs and to the door swinging it open. I looked out and there was no one there but a figure walking out my drive and turning around the corner.

I could only see their face from the side but knew instantly it was Thomas. What is he doing in London? Perhaps I was mistaken. I got a sudden urge in my gut to follow him. Without thinking I stepped outside into the cold wind but instead of the cold doorstep I was about to step on, I felt my toe stubbed on a woven basket.

I jumped back hopping up and down at the impact, I had nothing on my feet which gave me no padding as I rammed my defenseless toe into it. I looked down to see a smallish basket with a note on top. On it was written my name in his handwriting only giving me a higher reason to believe it was him I saw.

I pulled it inside and slowly dragged it up the stairs and into my room. I sat on the very edge of my bed staring at it for what felt like hours but was probably only a few minutes. I didn't know whether I should open it or not until I finally made my decision.

I walked over to it, kneeling before it and unbuckling the straps. I lifted the lid up and gasped at what was inside. He did this for me?