youngblood | a.i.

seventy eight || i told you we'd be alright

"The Eagles!" we all yelled back, our voices echoing through the stadium.

"I can't hear you!" he yelled again. "Who are we!?"

"The Eagles!" we responded, even louder this time.

"We are-" he yelled back at us.

"The Eagles!"

"Three, two, one-" he yelled one last time.

"Eagles!" he yelled with us. All our hands threw up out of the circle, collective cheers coming from our group.

There wasn't a single person in that circle without a smile on their face. We were all so happy to just be in the moment we were. To think just a week earlier my whole world was collapsing and I may have missed this if it would have worked.

Now my world was standing right in front of me, waiting for me to rebuild with him if I chose to, and I still didn't know what to do. I loved him and that was obvious, but the idea of him leaving for college hours away in just a few short months didn't sit right with me.

He deserved to enjoy his college career, not spend every Friday night driving back to me instead of partying. He deserved to not have to fight off girls because he had one at home, and I didn't want to sit at home fearing what if he actually was with one. He deserved to be a normal college student. I've never once wanted to hold him back in any way, and that's exactly what I'd be doing if I didn't let him peruse his future on his own, without worrying about me.

He deserved the right to live his life without me. He just didn't understand that yet.

The minutes between that final buzzer ringing and us walking off the field as a team had to be some of the most emotional. We each tried to fight back the tears, but for most of us this was the last game we'd play on that field, and we'd just left our hearts and souls out there.

Coach crying didn't help either, but all of us fought back emotions as we packed up to leave. It got even worse when Coach presented Ashton with his 100th career scoring ball.

I was proud of him beyond what words could explain, and I knew he wasn't valuing this like he should have since his mom was here. I was trying to be as supportive as I could without giving him the wrong idea but it was hard when everything about him pulled me in.

Each member stopped to congratulate Ash on their walk off the field, but I hung back as one of the last, helping Coach clean up our bench.

Once everyone else had left but us three, I finally did look over to Ash. My emotions were still on a high, and I could sense that feeling in the back of my throat that would soon enough carry tears with it too. I could see the disappointment in his expression and it broke me more.

I didn't want to hug him. I knew as soon as I did I wouldn't be able to keep myself away from him, but he needed someone to fill the void his mom had left by not showing.

I tried to fight it off for one more second but it wasn't long before I was pacing towards him. He stepped up to me too, meeting me in the middle as I wrapped myself into him.

I missed how comfortable I felt in his arms and it made me nuzzle farther into his chest. I could feel that feeling pushing those tears up into my eyes, making me sniffle as he squeezed me tighter. He buried his face in my neck, taking a deep breath to ground himself and his emotions.

I couldn't stop myself when the words fell from my mouth, "I'm so proud of you, Angel."

I felt as he pulled his face out of my neck, standing up straight but not letting me go. He took another deep breath and when I looked up, I swore I could see him wipe a tear away quickly.

"Yeah," he whispered back, resting his chin on my head to keep me from seeing his expression.

He gave me one last squeeze before letting me go, quickly turning away when I stepped back. I could tell he was hiding his emotions from me, and I couldn't figure out why when I'd seen him at his worst.

I guess we really had changed.

I stepped back slowly, moving back towards my stuff. Coach smiled to me as I reached it, quickly switching to pity as I wiped my eyes again.

"It'll be okay, Annie," he reassured me, sitting down on the bench in front of me as I collected my stuff back up. "You're my little firecracker. You're not allowed to lose that spark."

His happier tone made me force out a laugh, smiling as he patted my shoulder. "You'll be okay," he repeated, quieter and more sincere this time.

But it wasn't me I was worried about. It was us- Ashton and I.

I turned to look over my shoulder to where Ashton had been, but he was gone. I quickly turned a little farther, frantically trying to figure out where he'd disappeared to.

I finally spotted him about 30ft down from the end of the bench talking to that same guy from earlier. With knowledge of where he was, I turned back around to face Coach.

He obviously noticed my previous action, tacking on a "he'll be okay too" to help calm me down. I brought my hand up to his on my shoulder, patting it in agreement before standing up.

Coach stepped back as I got my stuff together, nodding to me when I looked back over. I nodded back, throwing my bag over my shoulder before stepping over the bench and heading towards the parking lot.

I had to step past Ashton and the older guy he was talking to, so I dug out my phone to keep myself from eavesdropping too much.

I heard my name being mentioned as I walked by, peaking my attention as I faked something on my phone.

"You two looked close," Jackson laughed as I passed behind his back. I could feel Ashton's eyes on me but I stayed focused on making it to the parking lot. "Especially when she was more excited about you breaking the record than you were, and then walking you across the field."

"Yeah, there are a lot of things about her that make her perfect," Ashton replied, obviously knowing I was close enough to hear.

I felt myself subconsciously smile, him obviously noticing as he laughed lightly. I walked a little faster, getting closer to the parking lot when I heard Jackson finally respond, only catching some of it.

"Well, anyway, let me cut to the chase-"

After that, I was too far out of hearing distance. I kept walking out to my car, throwing my bag in the backseat, and climbing into the driver's seat.

I didn't know why but as soon as I sat down, I got a rush of emotion. It felt like everything that had been piling up lately closed in on me at once. I started my car as I tried to fight it off, not wanting to break down in this parking lot.

I remembered how much my heart hurt knowing I was breaking it myself right now. I remembered how much pain I was putting him through to save him in the end. I remembered how I had absolutely no one to trust and pushing ash away was completely locking me into myself again. I could feel the craving for alcohol resurfacing and I didn't have a way to stop it anymore.

I could feel the tears falling down my cheeks as I lost control. I wanted to punch something as my frustration grew but I had nothing. I snapped in a moment of weakness, thrashing myself back and forth in my seat as I braced against my steering wheel, only getting some of my anger out.

I locked my arms against the wheel to stop from hurting myself. I took a deep breath to reground and my mind fell back to its same method from before Ashton.

I simply shut it off.

All at once, I stopped the emotions. I shut off the tears, the frustration, the compassion, all of it- I turned it off. I went numb again.

I reached up to wipe my tears off my face, refusing to feel weak anymore. Instead of facing the issues causing my emotional break, I reverted back to my previous state of ignoring everything around me.

I was slowly fading back to who I used to be, and I had no way to change it.

What can I say? Once a youngblood, always a youngblood.