youngblood | a.i.

seventy one || i hate myself for what i did

Wednesday, November 11th- 9:43 p.m.

Track One Flicker
Niall Horan

"And why is flicker track one?" I asked, smiling lightly up to him as it played beside us.

"Because it talks of someone knowing they're losing someone and what they had, but begging them not to leave them," he explained as he stood between my legs. I reached for his hands at his sides, holding them in my lap as he spoke. "And I never want to lose you, or the flicker of hope you gave me."

I nodded, listening to his words as he stood in front of me. I scooted back on the counter as the song changed, bringing my legs to cross beneath me so I could hold his hands in my lap again.

Track Two if I were u
blackbear & lauv

"And this one?"

"For a very specific lyric you'll have to wait till the chorus, but I'll point it out then," he spoke slowly, listening to the lyrics as he did.

I listened as the first verse played through, the chorus finally playing the whole way for the first time.

"These ones," he spoke, pulling my attention. I looked up to him when he started singing the lyrics we were focusing on.

If I were you and you were me
I would say goodbye, turn around and leave
I'd do it all so differently
If I were you and you were me

I nodded along with him as he sang with the song, watching as his expression changed to emphasize the next ones.

If I were you, I'd look at me
See through all the lies, turn around and leave
I'd do it all so differently
If I were you and you were me

"That's why," he spoke as the chorus faded into the next verse. "Those lyrics right there- I'd look at me, see through all the lies. I'd do it all so differently- because I would do everything so differently, if I were you or if you were me because you deserved so much better."

I nodded with him, making sure he knew I was listening to his each and every word, even if I didn't know what to say back.

Track Three Afraid
The Neighbourhood

I watched as the name appeared on the screen of his phone. I lifted my head to him, tilting it in confusion.

"I was so scared of what was going to happen to us after that night," he started explaining.

When I wake up, I'm afraid
Somebody else might take my place

"I knew you were strong and could move past what I'd done to you, but I was so scared I would never be able to, or, God forbid, you moved on to someone other than me. I needed you to stay alive, and the idea of you not needing me was eating me alive."

I decided I would just listen to what he had to say about each song rather than saying something of my own. I just nodded so he knew I was listening, but stayed quiet so he had a chance to put everything out into the open.