Forgotten

Part 68

His confusion grew, as he leaned forward in his chair, as he now was the one anticipating what I was going to say.

"I'm sorry.  I really am.  And again, I appreciate it beyond belief.  And you've always been so kind... and well."

He looked at me intently, but didn't say anything, as he waited for me to finish.

"Well.. I just can't.  I can't accept your offer.  I'm sorry." 

He looked at me stunned, as I'm sure I was probably the only person in the entire world that had ever turned him down for anything, let alone the cover of a magazine.  But I had too.  In my mind, it's what I felt was best.  

"But why?"

"It's... just a personal decision.  I just feel it's what's best for me personally."

"Is there anything I could do to make you change your mind?", he asked, still seemingly not convinced that my final answer was no.  "Surely there must be."

"No sir", I said simply, hating having to do this, but I knew it was what was best.

-

A few minutes, I left his office.   And suddenly I felt a huge weight off of my shoulders.  I felt an immense sense of relief.   An overwhelming sense of freedom.  And more than anything, I felt... happy.  More happy then I had in a long, long time.

I walked down stairs to Nichole's office.  I opened the door, to find her sitting at her desk, busy working, as she always was.  But as soon as she saw me enter, she immediately stopped what she was doing, and looked up at me.

I didn't say anything, hardly even knowing where to begin.

"Well?", she asked.  "What did he say?"

"He said I got the cover."

She immediately smiled and ran over and gave me big hug.  "I'm so happy for you!" , she exclaimed.  "That's wonderful!"

But I pulled away and didn't smile back.

She looked at me confused.  "What's wrong?"

"I turned him down", I said, somberly.

"You what?!", she asked, completely taken aback.  

"I said no."

She shook her head, as she was now even more confused.

"But why?"

"Because... it's just not right for me.  I'm just not comfortable with it."

"But why?  We didn't talk anything about this."

"I know.  It's just a decision I came to on my own."

"On your own?", she said, looking at me, still completely taken aback.  "I mean... it's fine... if that's what you want.  But.. why?"

And that's when I told her exactly how I was feeling.

"I'm a simple person, Nichole.   And doing that would complicate everything.  And would change things.  And I don't want things to change.  I want things to stay the way they are."

"I mean... but we could of worked all that out.  This would have been a great opportunity for you, Alexis.  You should of talked to me about it at least."

"I know.  But you would have tried to convince me otherwise.  And I didn't want that.  And besides, I wanted to make my own decision.  And to decide for myself."

She paused and didn't say anything for a long time, then finally spoke.  "Ok.  I get that.  And if this is what you want, then it's fine."

"You're not mad?", I asked, afraid that she might have been.

"No.  Of course I'm not mad.  I'm just surprised is all.  I wasn't expecting this."

"I know.  And I'm sorry."

She put her arms around me and hugged me.  "You don't have to be sorry.  There's nothing to apologize for.  It's fine."

"I know.  I just feel like I let everyone down."

"You didn't let anyone down.  And besides, that doesn't even matter.  All that matters is that you're happy with your decision.  That's all that matters."

I smiled.  Because I was happy.  "I am happy."

"And you're sure?", she asked, wanting to make absolute certain.

"Yes", I assured her.  "I don't want a big modeling career.  I mean, I love modeling part time, but I want to be an art teacher."

She smiled.  "I get that."

"I just want to keep things simple.  I don't want anything to change.  I'm happy with our life.  And the way things are.  And I just think the is the best decision for me.  For us.", I said.

And just then it hit me.  And I couldn't help but think about how far I've come from that scared, young girl that the world had forgotten about.  A mere shell of person, completely lost, when she first found me living on the streets.  How far I've come.  

But now, I was no longer that girl.  Now, I was able to make my own decisions and to take control of my own life without anybody's help.  I now had the confidence to know what was best for me.  For myself.   And the courage to actually do it.  And more than anything, I had the wisdom to know that I had it all.  Already.  I didn't need anymore.  I had everything right in front of me.  I had Nichole.  And our life.  And that's all I wanted. 

She looked at me lovingly, and kissed me softly.  "You know what?  I think you're right.  I think you made the right decision."

"You do?"

"Yes.  And I'm proud of you."

I smiled, feeling proud of myself.   "I just want us.  What we have.  Our life.  Just the way it is.  And our future."

She smiled back and kissed me.  "So do I.  That's all I want in the world."  

We kissed again, then she pulled away. 

"Speaking of which", she said.  "We have a wedding to finish planning."