URBAN 2

NINETEEN

———————

Ashanti

I looked at my phone again, as if missed calls from Keem were suddenly going to appear.

He hadn't called me once since I left last night. He called as I drove away and he called a couple times once I got to Ty's house too but I didn't answer cos I was understandably upset and pissed.

I checked our texts again.

My love 🥺
Stop being childish
2:18am

Answer your phone g
2:19am

I didn't even say or do anything that deep ur too dramatic wtf
2:23am

It's not like I even went to the motive and fucked anyone
2:24am

You can't expect man to stay at yard 24s and put my life of pause cos ur pregnant
2:40am

Answer ur phone
2:51am

Baby I'm sorry
3:27am

Please call me back, I didn't mean nothing I said
3:29am

I'm sorry baby
3:46am

Yo
3:50am

Me
Go to sleep Keem.
3:52am

Thought he would've called again, at least to see if anything was up with the twins cos, I mean, I'm due soon.

Maybe he's still asleep. But it's nearly 5pm now.

Been questioning my future with him.

I didn't get into this relationship and allow myself to get pregnant just to co-parent. No offence to anyone co-parenting, but I've seen co-parenting happen and, personally, it weren't it.

When my mum and dad broke up, they did try to make it work for us lot, they lived separately and would take turns looking after us. But travelling up and down London to see each parent is not healthy for anyone. Changing schools every time a parent relocated is not healthy for anyone. Meeting your parent's new partner that never stayed for more than 5 months is not healthy for anyone. Seeing your parents get back together and then break up again and again is not healthy for anyone.

As a kid, I didn't deep the effects of co-parenting cos my mum and dad never made us feel unloved or unimportant, they did everything they could. But looking back at my childhood, I didn't feel much stability till I was maybe 15. Even when things were stable, it never lasted over a year. To be fair, my parents were young and didn't know what they were doing cos they didn't have good examples around them or much support from their own families so I love them for everything they did for me.

I can't class my experience as the same with someone who's parents co-parented in a better way but even with responsible and loving parents, co-parenting is not the same as having two parents that live together and love each other. I don't want to raise my children in the same way I was raised.

I just believe there's more to life than instability.

I looked at the bowl of ice cream I'd been eating for the last 20 minutes, feeling annoyed but more confused and surprised than anything.

I still can't believe those disgusting words left Keem's mouth yesterday.

Do I bore him that much?

He can't chill with me cos I'm pregnant? Or does everything have to be sex with him? The weird thing is, that's not even his character. Well, I thought.