Lost Memories

xxxiv. horrible confrontation

I scoffed at him, bringing my knees closer to my chest, "Excuse me, I'm just fine. Nothing's wrong, just a lil'... guilty, I guess."

"Guilty over what?"

Resting my chin on my knees, I stayed quiet and I felt all their eyes watching me.

"Charlotte..." Harry said softly.

"I don't want to make this about me, I'm fine, everything is okay," I pointed out.

"Telling us how you feel isn't going to make it about you. I'm sorry I said that— you don't do that," Harry apologized.

Looking up at my friends, I see how upset they looked– whether, over my self-pity or Mr Weasley, I hated seeing them sad.

"I wish I hadn't forgotten," I whispered. "I– I've been doing that lately. . . forgetting more and more things. Had I remembered the attack and not been so... so distracted, then I would have been able to save Mr Weasley altogether."

"Lottie, we don't blame you," said Ginny.

"You may not, but the twins and Ron sure sounded like they did."

Ron sat up a little straighter at my accusation.

"Well, I— You could'a— Lottie, I don't blame you," Ron scratched the back of his neck. "I was just upset that... I don't know what I would have done if my dad wasn't alright. Harry's vision saved him and you telling Professor McGonagall that you believed him made us get to Dad faster..."

"I just feel foolish is all. Trying to juggle saving you guys, learning in school, learning about my... own life— I forget things I knew in my own timeline and things I know about all of this," I motioned around the room. "Plus, after yesterday morning, I felt like you guys didn't want to talk to me anymore– blaming me for not thinking or telling anyone anything. Felt quite useless, to be honest."

"You're not useless, Lottie. We wanted to talk to you," said Ginny, "but you've been hiding ever since we got back—"

"I didn't want anyone to talk to me, or make me feel even worse about this," I said feeling a bit annoyed.

"Well, that was a bit stupid of you," said Ginny angrily, "seeing how you're the only one who can give any time of reassurance to anyone. You know everything that's going to happen—"

"I don't! Can't you guys see that the more I attach myself to you, the more I forget things! Sometimes I forget I'm not from this world and other times I can't even remember things until minutes before they happened. I didn't remember why Harry had been yelling until I ran over to the boys' dorm and heard his babbling," I raised my voice.

Harry narrowed his eyes at me, calling his vision 'babbling'.

"We don't expect you to know everything," Hermione started, shooting a glare at Harry and one at Ron, "but, as a friend, we expect reassurance; whether it be telling us what's going to happen, or just hanging out with us."

"What she said," Ron mumbled.

"I'll try better next time," I muttered at them.

"Come here," Hermione laughed, standing up and pulling me into a hug.

Christmas morning was everything I expected it to be and then some. No longer feeling sullen over the events of the last two days, I was happier than I could imagine. Last years Christmas was nothing compared to the Black Holiday Celebration. The tarnished chandeliers were no longer hung with cobwebs but with garlands of holly and gold and silver streamers; magical snow glittered in heaps over the threadbare carpets; a great Christmas tree, obtained by Mundungus and decorated with live fairies, blocked Sirius's family tree from view; and even the stuffed elf heads on the hall wall wore Father Christmas hats and beards.