Disruption. | Bucky Barnes

Chapter 40.

I wake up for the fourth day of being home the same as every other day, I sleep sparingly, and the dread overwhelms me as I wake, only the sight of Morgan curled up beside me brings some sort of happiness to my drained self.

She's barely left my side, sleeping with me every night, truthfully, I think she's worried I'll disappear again, and I'm grateful to not have to sleep alone.

I shower and return to her still sleeping soundly, only when I gently shake her awake at 8am does she finally get a rush of energy and consume my day yet again with everything and anything she can imagine that we do together.

Playing dolls, eating ice cream, watching cartoons and Disney films.

Peter joins us, I see the guilt on his face from whatever feelings he has about how things were left between us, it's only when I finally get him alone that I plainly tell him to stop it, if he has forgiven me then that is the only thing that matters.

I never had any ill feelings towards him, I never could.

He settles after this, finally allowing his playful, funny self to return to our friendship.

***

When I've been home for a week, I manage to get some time with Steve, albeit with Morgan still glued to my hip.

Steve is the one person I truly don't know what to say to, I know he will of had a hand in encouraging Bucky to move past my apparent death, and I know he did the right thing, yet I'm angry, how he could think that Bucky could move on so quickly.

I'm angry that he didn't see the connection we had, the love between us, moving on can't possibly be a quick thing for him, and I allow myself to be arrogant in thinking so.

"You don't need to be worried around me Steve."

He shifts awkwardly as he sits across the table, sipping on a chocolate milkshake with whipped cream on top, Morgan copied us both, me also getting chocolate, however she also had sprinkles, marshmallows and strawberry sauce.

He smiles and I hate how even he is hesitant with me, "I'm worried about you... because of Bucky."

I force a smile, "you're his best friend, you did what you should've."

My eyes go to Morgan who is not really paying any attention to us. "It just hurts." I look down and then back to my friend.

Steve purses his lips, "I've been trying to find him, get in contact I mean."

I'm confused, "I thought you were in contact with him?"

The look on his face.. "He stopped answering a few weeks ago."

So Bucky has no way of knowing I'm alive? He's just out there thinking I'm dead? That he took me to Poland and got me damn killed?

My emotions battle each other, conflicted between anger, hurt, sadness that he is totally oblivious.

"We need to find him Steve, even just to tell him I'm okay, I can't have him feeling guilty at all, I couldn't bare it."

Steve nods, and a determined look crosses his face, and then his eyes brighten, as if an idea pops into his head.

"There is one place..."