When you look at me I just can't lie

Chapter 17

Chapter 17

An hour earlier….

Lena stood in the corner of Shannon’s living room with zero interest in anything around her. The music was fun and instead of dancing she was sulking. Instead of having a drink she was hiding.

It was Zander Kale’s fault

He was inside her heart and head refusing to get out. So were Mel’s words. A lot of what she said made sense and when something made that much sense she didn’t have the heart to keep being angry over it. Zander was a complicated guy and his past farther added to it. Could she really be upset over how he reacted when she didn’t fair much better? The kiss had been unexpected and it was high time she admitted they both reacted badly.

Ok, Lena mused, now what happens? They reacted badly to a kiss that never should’ve happened. So what? Nothing changed the fact they were polar opposites and always would be. Did they even have anything in common? Lena gave that question some serious thought.

Did they have anything in common? No. But he did make her laugh, it felt easy to be herself when she was with him. She did care about his art, it was beautiful and didn’t bore her to pieces.

She slumped against the wall as a clear fact forced itself forward in her mind; the kiss had been amazing. All the anger and fussing over the last few days that was a detail she hadn’t let herself think of. Certainly not something she confessed in her conversation with Mel in the car. The kiss was explosive and that wouldn’t allow it to ever be forgotten. Of all the guys in the world and the one to turn her inside out was Zander Kale. She chuckled faintly at that.

Her thoughts drifted back to her chat with Mel the other day in the car and what they did and didn’t talk about. What they had talked about was love and all the ways Lena had never truly been in love with Andy. Lena’s eyes grew wide as she considered the possibility that she was in love with Zander. The way he made her feel safe, how his smile sent her heart into a frenzy, the way she let her guard down and slept in his bed. Mel called that love, but was it?

This was too much to try and figure out. Too many what ifs and impossible facts. Lena pushed off the wall and went in search for something strong to numb her senses.

Several drinks later Lena Lowell found herself at the doorstep of the guy she was trying to forget about. Sneaking in and giving him a piece of her mind hadn’t worked out all that well when that vase fell and announced her presence.

The lights went on and her eyes winced in protest. The damn thing was bright and she held a hand up trying to protect her eyes from anymore harsh brightness.

“Lena, what the hell are you doing breaking into my house?”

her heart leapt at the sound of his voice. At the party when she created a plan to show up at his house and curse him out it didn’t factor in these pesky reactions. “I didn’t break in!” she pointed her finger toward him, mentally cursing her heels. “I found the spare key in the fake rock little thingy. It was an obvious hiding spot. I have a bone to pick with you.” It as best to stay on track and the first order of business was to give him hell.

“Yeah? Why don’t you take off your shoes first before you fall on your drunken ass?” he was trying not to smile, the humor he saw lit his eyes and it was getting harder to concentrate. It wasn’t fair he had such colorful beautiful eyes.

“I’m not drunk.” Lena turned her stare away from him and busied her hands by flatting out her hair. It hadn’t been hot outside but inside was another story. Did he have the heat on?

“Ok, if you say so. What brings you by this late?”

His question brought her back into present time. “I was at a party.” She bent to remove her heels before they snapped from all the swaying her legs were doing. There was no way she was going to risk falling on her ass and making a fool out of herself in front of him. This was meant to be a serious conversation and damn it that’s what it was going to be.

 “And?”

Lena clenched her jaw at his annoying attitude but when she stood straight and looked at his face all her resolve flew out the window and she wasn’t too sure what she was mad at anymore. “And I left because Mel told me some stuff and I couldn’t have any fun thinking about it. At first I thought well screw you I don’t care but then….I cared.” That was the big problem with everything; she cared about what he thought, what he felt.

“Princess, you’re making no sense.”

Every time he called her princess her knees turned into jell-o and her heart betrayed her by swelling with desire. With another huff Lena raked back her hair and faced him, her hazel eyes piercing his. “You’re a pain in the ass.” Making up her mind to make him feel as confused and conflicted, she marched up to him and gripped the front of his t-shirt. “How dare you do this to me?”

“You’re still making no sense. What did I do now?” his eyes searched her face looking for answers.

“You made me care about you, that’s what you did you asshole, and on top of that you made me want you.” There the truth was out and in some ways it did set you free. Her heart and head wanted to explode trying to keep that in and now with it free she let herself breathe. Standing close enough to share the same breath and seeing all the array of color in his eyes any ounce of restraint left her body and took what it wanted, what it desired.

Lena tugged at his shirt and brought his mouth down to hers.

Zander’s hands latched onto her hips and pulled her closer and kissed her back. She released his shirt and moved her hands beneath it. So many times he walked around her wearing nothing and her fingers itched to know what his chest felt like. It was warm, smooth, hard, and telling of his deepest secrets. He didn’t voice what he wanted but his muscles jumped and his kiss deepened when she touched him a certain way he liked.

She wanted more, she wanted all of him, but she couldn’t set herself up for another heart breaking failure. Even semi drunk she knew what she needed. She pulled away from his kiss and looked into his eyes. “I have to know where you stand. I poured my heart out, was it one sided and all for nothing?”

His hands moved from her hips up to cup the sides of her face. He didn’t shy away from her stare either. “No, sweetheart. It’s not one sided. I thought it would be easier to ignore whatever was happening between us but none of this has been easy. I’ve missed you these last few days.”

Lena wanted to believe him, her heart did that swelling thing again and she felt like a love struck goner. “How do I know you’re not just trying to get in my pants?”

He gasped melodramatically. “I’m not trying to get in your pants. You’re wearing a skirt.”

“You’re making jokes again to hide from the real stuff.”

“I wouldn’t say something just to sleep with you and I think you know that already. I haven’t forced you into anything you didn’t want and you already admitted you want me. Maybe you’re just trying to get in my pants.”

“I was drunk when I said that.”

“Ten minutes ago? And now?”

“I’m not drunk, just stupid and scared.”

His longer fingers brushed her hair behind her ears and stayed at the nape of her neck. “Scared of what?”

“That none of this will be real tomorrow.”  Lena didn’t want to run herself in circles anymore about why this was right and why it was wrong. She kissed him again and let the pieces fall where they may.

The kiss picked up where they left off with heated desire and curious touches. She was calling the shots and it was her who took the first step back toward his bedroom.