it starts and ends with the jordan's

Chapter 22

[Hero's POV]

"Go fucking look for yourself!" She screams in my face. She points towards the washroom door.

What the hell in the washroom is making her freak out this way? I am panicking and confused and worried. I hate seeing Jo cry but she never yells at me this way. What the fuck did I do wrong?

I furrow my eyebrows at her and narrow my eyes. Her face is stone cold. I can't read her. This is occurring more often lately and I don't like it. I slowly walk into the washroom with fear lacing through my veins. 

The washrooms tiny so there's not many places to look. I glance around the floor, nothing. I look up at my nervous wreck of a body in the mirror above the sink. I place my hands on the counter when I hit something with my fingers. I look down and I feel sick. 

A grab it in my two large hands and stare at the stick.   This can not be happening right now. 

Why do I not feel mad? This is not how I felt when Cecelia told me she was pregnant with my child. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me but I feel a sense of pride she's carrying my child... I'm - happy? 

My eyes gloss over with tears. I can't explain this feeling. I'm overwhelmed and shaken to the core but deep down, this woman is carrying my- our baby. Our little creation we will get to bring into the world and love unconditionally. 

Call me whipped but I am beyond head over heels for this girl. I am scared but I am ready to bring this new life into the world. I'm ready to love this little family and give them my everything. 

I can't stop starring at the stick. This plastic stick has changed my whole life. 

I walk out of the washroom still mesmerized by the pregnancy test and finally build up the strength to peel my eyes off of it. When I finally look up I see my beautiful girl pacing like a maniac. Tears pool down her cheeks and her chest rises and falls much faster than her lungs can take in the oxygen. She is going to pass out at this rate. 

She notices me enter the room and stops in her tracks eyeing me like a zoo animal. I finally build up the courage to speak but just when I do my voice cracks as I hold in the tears. 

"You- you're..."

"Yes I'm fucking knocked up!" She cuts me off. I can see the tension build worry lines between her eyebrows. I can't tell how she feels about this whole situation. The more time I spend with Jo the more barriers block her feelings, throwing me off the track of understanding what's going on inside her pretty head.

I can't contain my emotions anymore. The tears at the brim of my eye are over flowing looking for anywhere to build up but they've ran out of room. Tears trickle down my face and get caught on the tip of my nose.

"Go ahead fucking yell and scream at me, get it over with already!" Why the hell would I scream at her. I have never felt this beautifully chaotic feeling before, but it's a feeling I wish I could store in my pocket and carry with me everywhere. 

"I can't..." Why does she keep cutting me off?

"Why not!?" She asks genuinely but still yelling.

"Because I'm not mad... I don't want to scream at your right now because I'm not mad."

Her back tenses again and her eyes widen in confusion. If they widen anymore from this situation they will roll out of her face and onto the floor. I cringe at the disturbing image I painted in my head. 

"What? You realize what this means right? I am pregnant with a child, a baby, a tiny human, your-our tiny human, and just to get this out of the way I am not having an abortion 1000% no matter the motive you come up with I am having this baby and keeping it!" 

Her last words sting but I deserve it. I was nothing but an ass to Cecelia when she didn't do anything to deserve it. In all honesty, back then I liked the feeling of blowing up on her because it made me feel powerful and like I was the dominate hand in the relationship/hookup/friendship? I don't know what the hell we were but I was definitely not being her baby daddy. I played it off like I was the ass who didn't care about getting her pregnant but the in all reality the yelling was just a wall to cover up the fear tearing away at me. I couldn't have been a dad back then. I couldn't be the dad that never truly loved the girl carrying my child or the dad who neglects their child because they never wanted to be in this position in the first place. I felt so guilty at the thought of making my child grow up fatherless but I couldn't be the father he needed so I was left with no other choice.

I snap back and remember I haven't acknowledged Jo yet. "Good, I agree. I'm 100% in Jo. We could go back to London or I can come to L.A, we'd have to talk but-" Fuck again with the the interruptions. I just want to get one full thought out is that to much to ask considering the circumstances. 

"Why the fuck are you not yelling and screaming and smashing shit? I am pregnant and keeping it. We are having a child! Is it not seeped into your head yet!? Why are you so cool with this? You are supposed to be screaming and shaking with anger!" What the hell is she talking about? Where are these assumptions coming from? 

"I'm not doing that because I'm happy. I know it's not ideal but I want this, with you. You are my everything Jo and if you're ready for this than I am too. I'm ready to make not only you my whole world but this baby too." My words seems to settle the outer tension that once took over her body. That's one thing I'll admit I am good at, I have a power to calm Jo's anxieties with the simplest phrases and admirations. 

"You do?" Is she really questioning me wanting to move forward with her? Of course I do, she's the highlight of my gloomy and dark life. I'd do anything for this girl, the girl who came and stole my heart in