Lipstick

Chapter 12: Hypnotic Hazelnut

Am I gay? Do I like girls now? Do I like Josie?

What if I do? What does that mean for me and Carson? I like him too. I liked him a lot longer than I've liked Josie. He's sweet and caring, and cool. He's basically my dream guy. Could I really just give him up after waiting this long?

What do I do?

Josie you idiot, why did you have to kiss me?

When I finish my food I take my plate to the sink where Josie is almost done doing dishes.

"I can do the rest." I offer.

"I got it," she takes the plate from me.

"I'm gonna go wash up," I say.

"k," she continues washing dishes.

I frown before walking off.

Pull it together Kat. You can't start falling apart now. So long as no one finds out what I am doing I can keep experimenting until I know for sure what I want. Josie's cool with it. So no big deal right?

As I am drying off my face my phone beeps.

A text from Carson.

'Hey, what are you doing today? You didn't answer my text last night so I assumed you must have fallen asleep early. Wanna hang out today?'

I bite my lip and stare at the screen.

Before I can respond Josie comes up behind me and takes the phone out of my hands.

"Hey!" I complain.

"Today is my day. I'm going to give you a taste of what you are missing out on. Of what we could have if we were really together." She says.

I eye her.

She looks at my texts and responds for me before handing me back the phone.

It reads, 'Can't today, sorry. I promised Josie we'd hang out. You know how she is. I'll text you later, okay?'

"Okay?" Josie asks.

I look up at her.

"Okay," I say softly.

She smiles. A smile so sweet and genuine it tears me apart.

I don't want to break her heart.

Carson responds back with, 'Okay, cool. I understand. Friends first. Catcha later, maybe we can go for a walk tonight. I'll text you later.'

I feel sick to my stomach. What I am doing is wrong, but I don't know what to do. I'm so confused.

I stare at my phone in worry.

Josie caresses my cheek and I look up at her. I feel my heart skip a beat as our eyes meet. She doesn't say anything, just gently caresses my cheek. I lean up and kiss her then. She kisses me back softly.

I feel all weird inside.

I've never felt like this before.

This feeling, it's almost hypnotic. Addictive. I can't get enough of it.

"Get dressed, I have plans for us today." She says as she pulls back.

"What kind of plans?" I ask.

"You'll see my cute little kitten," she ruffles my hair.

"You are not calling me that." I glare at her.

She laughs.

"Just go get dressed," I push her away.