Green was the color of the grass where I used to read at Centennial Park, I used to think I would meet somebody there
BUCKY BARNES X FEM! OC
Marvel ╱ pussyf41ry , 2023
𝑒𝑥𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑑 𝑠𝑢𝑚𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑦 𝑖𝑛𝑠𝑖𝑑𝑒
THE VOID OF BUCKY'S MISSING PRESENCE NEVER FULLY SETTLED WITHIN MULAN. He was her twin flame, the thing that gave her everlasting life meaning, the lighthouse to her ship -- guiding her to land when she felt like drowning. She drowned and he wasn't there to save her. She didn't realize just how much she relied on him for her happiness, the version of happiness only he could bring out of her. It was as if she were a drug addict. He got her addicted to that feeling then cut off her supply, leaving her itching for the feeling, willing to go to great odds for a second of the euphoria he welcomed over her. Mulan almost felt anger towards him then thought how pathetic would she have to be to blame a dead man for her sorrow. She felt resentful, guilty, and overwhelmed, yet vexed that she had to live in such a dull world without him.
Damn you feelings. Damn you cerebrum and hypothalamus.
That was the worst part, feeling how things changed when he left. Feeling the sweater he wore during the springtime when the cool winds blew against his skin. He sat on the picnic blanket holding Mulan, soaking up the last rays of the sunset. Feeling his heartbeat match with her own as he laid on her chest, her nails lightly scraping at his scalp, soft snores filling the air. Feeling the tight grip of his calloused hand drag her with him as they ran away from doing something illegal that she suggested and almost getting caught. Feeling the stubble on the clef of his chin as his lips would worship every inch of her. Feeling the clear water of the Bethesda Fountain as she ran her fingers through its ripples. She didn't know why she returned to that fountain, it only caused her pain being back in that place because this time when she looked up he wouldn't be standing on the other side with his cocky boyish smile waiting for her. The feelings were all too painful.
Many questions remained never answered in Mulan's mind. Where was his body? Why was it him and not me? What do I do now that you're gone? Why did you leave me? What's it like wherever you are? Why didn't I go on that mission? Can I never stay happy? Why didn't I try harder to keep you from going? Why did you enlist? Why didn't I hold onto you tighter? Are you and Steve together, wherever you both may be? Mulan thought of going to the place Bucky died but realized it wouldn't bring her any comfort to see his dead (most likely frozen and rotting) corpse than see him living, breathing in front of her. She would ache in regret and misery.
